ELIZABETH HAMES
The Ubyssey (University of British Columbia)

VANCOUVER (CUP) — There is a perception among high school seniors and undergrads, fueled by movies and TV shows, that anyone having regular sex is swimming in orgasms and euphoric sex hangovers. But in the non-romcom world I like to call “reality,” sexual encounters during one’s teens and early adulthood are often awkward, uncomfortable and forgettable.

Thus on university campuses most students do not have an impressively long sexual history. On average, Canadians trade in their V-card at around 17 years of age, and less than a third of teens between the ages of 15 and 17 have ever had sex, according to Statistics Canada. But by the time teens reach college age at 18 to 19 years old, about two thirds report having had sex at least once. Those numbers spike dramatically as students enter young adulthood: approximately 80 per cent of 20- to 24-year-olds have had sex.

All these numbers suggest that the majority of students lose their virginity during their undergrad. So unless you’ve been in a relationship for a while or you’re sleeping with someone significantly older, you’re probably not having sex with an expert.

That said, there’s a way to achieve sexual gratification with even the greenest of undergrads: tell them what you want, and be specific.

Unless you’re having sex with a complete sociopath, most people get pretty turned on by a partner who can describe in explicit detail how they want to be fucked — especially during a heated bout of foreplay. Moreover, sharing your own desires with your partner can encourage them to reciprocate, effectively making the experience all the more enjoyable for both (or all) of you.

A 2011 study entitled “On the Relationship Among Social Anxiety, Intimacy, Sexual Communication and Sexual Satisfaction in Young Couples” confirms this. Self-reported data from 115 undergraduates showed that “being able to openly communicate with one’s partner is important for the development of intimacy… and sexual satisfaction.”

The study, which explored the effects of social anxiety on sexual satisfaction, concluded that talking openly with partners about “sexual topics” is the key to better sex for even the shyest of bedmates. As an added bonus, those who overcome their bashfulness in the bedroom may also find that their anxiety in other social situations is eased, say the study’s authors.

These conversations don’t necessarily have to include dirty talk, although that kind of language is certainly acceptable. It can be as scientific or as erotic as you want, but the most important thing is to be clear. Ambiguity may lead your partner astray and could cause some very awkward moments.

It’s also important to understand that sexual expertise is quite a sensitive topic for most young people; everyone wants to be a sexual champion, though few are. Choose your words carefully to make sure you don’t sound accusatory or disappointed.

Precise phrases like “I like it when you touch my __” or “it feels good when you do ‘x’ with your ‘y’ ” are a lot more effective than “ew, that’s so irritating” or “I’m never going to come if you keep doing that.” And although it can be tempting to slap someone who’s poking your sexy parts like an elevator dashboard, try to restrain yourself.

For some people, even saying the words “stroke” or “lick” out loud can be anxiety-inducing. But remember, you can always show if you can’t tell. Demonstrate on yourself the way you want to be touched, or alternatively, guide their hand with your own.

And finally, keep in mind that it’s nearly impossible to teach someone a subject you know nothing about. Take some time during study breaks to fool around solo and learn what areas of your body are most pleasure-inducing.

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Photo: Stuart Connor/Flickr