We all know the importance of university in making us better and wiser people. But what really matters is the outer beauty we form in our 20s. It certainly is a sexy time to be alive. In light of this, almost every student fits into two categories: those who are seeing someone, and those who wish they were seeing someone.

We’re all after very different things though. Some people are looking for a “soulmate” — a person to share all their joy and sorrow with. Others hope to find somebody, anybody to offer sexual release and extra warmth on those cold Saskatchewan nights. Whatever your scene, there’s plenty of reason to ditch your other dreams and start wheelin’ the hotties!

So you’d probably call me crazy if I say, “There’s more to life than scoring a fine piece of ass.” Mark my words, fellow single-folk. Before you take a bath with your toaster, consider the brighter side of being alone.

There’s an authenticity in staying single. Sometimes people develop a fake persona to woo someone. Lord knows I’ve done it. And even couples that are honest with each other can still hook up for cheap reasons — fear of loneliness and rejection come to mind. But it’s hard for me to see any petty reason in staying single. There’s nothing false about waiting for that person you actually connect with.

And while you’re waiting, you learn to think creatively. When you’re no longer needed as an emotional punching bag or “fuck buddy,” you find other ways of being useful. You can return to things you loved before your pituitary gland pumped you full of hormones — not to say single people aren’t driven by their hormones.

In fact, one of the best things about single life is this: you can ogle anyone you like, 100 per cent guilt free! You can develop hopeless crushes today and lose interest tomorrow without any hard feelings.

Remember, you’re a free agent. You’re just waiting for one great team to show you one sweet contract, then maybe you’ll sign away your freedom.

But many of you probably think my system seems too old fashioned. You may see a better system — one where you call yourself single and still diddle whoever you please. I see the appeal. It’s nice because you retain free agency and still get some playing time. Nevertheless, I am speaking for those noble players who watch from the sidelines.

And just like getting benched, being single can bring out your competitive side. It can make you hungrier to prove your talents. Just think of all the great art written about losing or missing love. Now try naming some beautiful art about people in steady relationships — or people happily married with kids.

Of course you’re not all aspiring artists. Maybe you’re an athlete. But there again, if you don’t already have a mega-babe girlfriend, you might work harder making a name for yourself or sculpting that sexy beach bod.

I’ve heard when two people fall in love it’s like they “become one person.” Technically, that makes you half the person you were. Single people, on the other hand, learn to to rely on themselves. Without a partner always hanging around, you have fewer chances to bitch about the tragedy of first-world life.

But the biggest change you observe after breaking up, other than heavier drinking, is this: you inherit loads of free time. All those hours frittered away — going on dates, texting, arguing on the phone — are freed right up. Now you can call up those friends you ignored while dating. Or maybe you’ll pick up an instrument. Really you can pursue any muse you couldn’t with the old ball ’n’ chain around.

So give single life a chance. Eventually you’ll find someone worth shackling yourself to. And you’ll only be happier having learned to be single and learned who you’re really looking for.

Then again, maybe this is all some cock-and-bull story. Maybe there’s no true love waiting for us. Maybe loose sexual morals are the secret to true happiness. Maybe we should all get hammered and mate like the wild animals we are.

—
Graphic: Brianna Whitmore/The Sheaf