PHINEAS GARRELSON
Opinions Writer

Everyone is aware of the major sources of income for organized crime — drug trafficking, prostitution, theft, fraud, racketeering and so on.

However, I believe criminals may have a hand in some other types of business, which initially appear to be legitimate, but are in fact dishonest monopolies designed for profiteering.

Orthodontics

It can be difficult to imagine that any division of medicine or someone with the designation “Doctor” could be crooked. That is, until you consider the cost of orthodontics and what you’re actually paying for.

From my understanding, a two-year stint in braces will end up costing you about $4,000. That’s on par with an older car, a bitchin’ home theater system or a two week trip for two to some exotic locale. With the car, you get a complex machine capable of transporting you quickly. With the home theater, you get a series of complex machines capable of providing top-notch entertainment. With the trip, you get to fly across the world on a jet aircraft, stay in a resort, eat and drink as much as you like and enjoy a staff that caters to you. The $4,000 bill at the orthodontist’s office gets you two sets of wires, some glue and a small bag of elastic bands. I understand you’re mostly paying for the knowledge of your doctor and the years he spent in school, but is that worth $4,000?

Cellular service providers

Cell phone companies get away with things that in any just society would be considered illegal. It all starts the moment you sign the contract. Most phones cost a small fortune unless you sign a three-year contract. But everyone knows the majority of cell phones aren’t built to last three years, so in two years when your screen inevitably stops working, you’re left with a choice: buy a crappy new phone to use for the remainder of your contract, or sign a crisp, new three-year deal, get a nice phone and in the process sign away your soul for another three years.

Remember when you used to get charged 15 cents for every incoming text? I don’t think this shit flies anymore, but the fact that they got away with it for so long is scary in itself. That’s the equivalent of the mailman coming to collect at the end of the month for all the flyers, bills and credit card applications he’s delivered.

Here’s another scenario for you to ponder: at no point throughout the month is there any convenient way of finding out what kind of charges you’ve racked up.

Only when the bill comes do you realize you’ve been pocket dialing North Korea and you owe $500 in long distance. Where is the friendly “heads-up” text? Instead, they’d rather surprise you with a $10,000 bill at the end of the month, and then attempt to come across as the good guys when they negotiate it down to $2,000.

Universities

Universities make you take (and pay for) classes that have nothing to do with your field of study. I’m not talking about pre-requisites; I’m talking about a third-year commerce student taking a kinesiology class to fill their schedule. If everyone in university only took the classes they needed to, the school would have a substantially smaller amount of revenue to play with.

Books can cost hundreds of dollars and quite often are only opened a few times throughout the semester. But just having the correct textbook often isn’t enough; students have to have the correct edition of the correct textbook. The publisher may change a few words or re-arrange some parts, and as a result you can no longer save money by buying your books from a friend or a used bookstore.

People talk about the importance of investing in youth and ensuring that the next generation of the workforce is capable and qualified. What’s the best way to accomplish that? Tuition hikes. Make it more difficult for people to become educated.

You may have noticed all three of these examples have one thing in common: if you want the service they’re providing, you have no choice but to play by their rules. All of these businesses have a monopoly on their respective services.

I would imagine if somebody could offer a cheap and effective alternative to any of these, they would make a killing. But that person would forever live in fear, always on the lookout for a gang of angry orthodontist goons, the animals from the Telus commercials, or the dean of admissions lurking in the shadows with a bat.

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image: Flickr