TAB RAHMAN

Saskatoon has always straddled the line of being a big city with a small-town feel. However, it’s time for this fair city to take a step towards the more “metropolitan” vibe and in order for that to happen, the following is essential.

1. Ikea: need a stylish couch that turns into a bed for your studio apartment? How about a table that doubles as an easel, or an armoire that’s also a refrigerator? You can find all that — okay, maybe not that last one — at Ikea, and on the cheap side too.

Of course, the whole “on a budget” thing goes out the window once you realise the only way to get that sweet, sweet Swedish furniture is either ordering online — and paying a stupid amount for delivery — or driving all the way to Edmonton, Alta., which means going through the trouble of hauling back a bunch of crap.

I mean, what civilized city doesn’t have an Ikea? Even Winnipeg has one and we all know that’s not a real city — only a carjacker’s Disneyland.

2. Bus WiFi: if I have to take the bus from Broadway Avenue to the University of Saskatchewan — a 20 minute walk, but a whopping 35 minute bus ride somehow — I better get some free WiFi out of the deal. These days everyone has a smartphone, but not everyone has that precious unlimited data plan.

Having free WiFi on our buses would be a godsend, especially for people who don’t get the email alert about their cancelled class until they’re already at school.

Plus, other cities certainly have bus WiFi. Hell, even my aunt’s Dodge Caravan has WiFi. Now I can binge watch Dora the Explorer with my cousin while getting driven to soccer practice! Wouldn’t it be nice to join the 21st century and add Internet access for everyone, especially since it’s so essential in everyday life?

3. Better nightlife: where should we go tonight — Hudson’s, the Sutherland Bar? Oh, we went there last week. How about Outlaws or the Yard and Flagon? What’s that, you want us to check out this rad local band that your cousin’s girlfriend’s roommate is a part of? It’s only $25 cover too! Wow, all these options are so tempting! It’s hard to understand why people in this city just stay in their basements and get high!

Saskatoon’s nightlife is an absolute snoozefest. Everyone goes to the same three bars, then the next week they go on a pub crawl that takes you on a grand yellow bus tour of the same three bars.

Also, what is up with us not having awesome places to eat at 3 a.m.? I don’t mean just when you’re drunk. I mean when you wake up and think, “Man, I could go for a pizza!” I don’t want my only options to be McDonald’s, the questionable taquitos from 7-Eleven or what Meg’s Restaurant calls “Indian food.” Where are all the late night donair places at?

4. Uber: this goes hand-in-hand with nightlife, but also I’m tired of paying $40 to get from downtown to Lakeridge. That’s a 15 minute drive, it shouldn’t cost me four hours of my miserable minimum wage salary to get home.

Honestly, I would rather tough it out and walk home. At least that gives me enough time to sober up and come up with arguments for when I get home and my parents inevitably look at my disheveled self and question my life choices.

Plus, every Uber driver I have ever encountered in other cities was always friendly, funny and took my drunk ramblings in stride. Also, they didn’t leave after five seconds of idling outside like every taxi I have called outside of a bar.

Saskatoon is a city that wants to be a charming tourist town, full of little niche cafés and quirky trails. It’s been referred to as “the Paris of the Prairies” — maybe it’s time it actually turned into it.

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Photo Illustration: Jeremy Britz / Graphics Editor

Photo: Flickr / meghanroberts