Last year on Valentine’s Day there was a post on the “Stupid Things Overheard at the U of S” Facebook page that warmed the hearts of the nearly 1,000 students who ‘liked’ it.
The writer described seeing two men in the library exchange flowers and a kiss. Personally, I can’t think of a better post to see on Valentine’s Day.
With that precious day of love and mushy gushy stuff fast approaching, I want to remind all of the Sheaf’s readers that we are all deserving of love and are allowed to express our love for one another, regardless of what our sexual orientations might be.
I’m gay, and it’s taken me a long time to write those words in my journal, let alone to publish them in a public document.
Indeed: I’m here, and I’m queer, so get used to it.
It wasn’t until last year I realized that I could do this: I can be gay and still be the person I am and the person I am going to become. I don’t have to change my beliefs or conform to stereotypes just because I happen to be attracted to men. Being gay is a part of who I am, but it does not encompass my whole identity.
For me, all it took — after years of wondering, online conversations, self-analysis, lies and denial — was one date with a nice guy to set me straight. Pardon the pun. I knew I was gay for a long time before this particular nerve-wracking interaction, but it was the date itself that propelled me to come out to friends and family.
Coming out wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be; in fact, it was amazing. I haven’t dealt with any negativity, which I know is rare.
Whether you identify as straight, bisexual, homosexual, lesbian, transgender, transsexual, questioning, queer, intersex, intergender or asexual, remember that we all deserve love and happiness. Never forget that.
Most of my family and friends already knew, which I’m sure happens in many cases. It’s not like I was bringing home girls to Christmas dinner.
In fact, I didn’t even have to formally tell my mom. Moms often just know these things. I said, “Mom, I have to tell you something,” and she just hugged me. That was a hug I’ll never forget. I think she’s just happy she’ll never have to lose me to another woman!
My family and friends have been beyond supportive and since I came out we’re able to be lighthearted and frank. I’m having discussions about sexuality that I never thought I would.
If you’re gay — or think your sexual orientation falls outside the heteronormative — don’t be afraid of who you are. Don’t join a convent or try to convince yourself you’re straight. It’s not worth your time.
There are good people in this world who will restore your faith in humanity and help you along the way. Be patient, try to be wise and wait for a good egg to come along and sweep you off your feet! Trust me. Waiting until you’re absolutely ready to come out is the best advice I can give.
Basically, if people love you already, they aren’t going to stop loving you because your sexuality doesn’t conform to societal expectations. If anything, they are going to love and appreciate you more because you have the courage to come out. And if — for some terrible reason — they can’t accept you the way you are, then they aren’t worth having in your life. I promise.
After I told my stepmother I was gay, she lovingly said, “Travis, I hope you can be a role model for people like you,” and that’s what I’ve tried to do since that conversation. That’s what I want to do with this article.
I know we live in a largely accepting society, but it never hurts to have this reminder every once in awhile: it’s okay to be different. In fact, being different is awesome.
And so, with Valentine’s Day looming, I want to spread the love a bit early this year. I want to thank every person who has ever supported a friend or family member regardless of the circumstances.
I must give special acknowledgements to my own friends and family, and particularly to the straight men in my life who’ve pledged to physically fight those who give me a hard time about being gay. I don’t condone violence, but the sentiment there is remarkably sweet, don’t you think?
If you have been a friend to someone who’s a minority, who is going through a personal crisis or who just needs to vent, thank you. You are the ones who make people like me feel comfortable in our own skins. You are the friends who love and appreciate us no matter what happens. You are the individuals who make our world a better, more tolerant place.
Thank you, from the bottom of my big gay heart. Thank you.
And if you happen to see a boy holding hands with another boy — or whatever the combination might be — just smile and think about how far we’ve come, and how far we have yet to go.
Whether you identify as straight, bisexual, homosexual, lesbian, transgender, transsexual, questioning, queer, intersex, intergender or asexual, remember that we all deserve love and happiness. Never forget that.
Let this Valentine’s Day be an example of supreme inclusivity so that we can apply and practice it the whole year through.
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Photo: lets.book/Flickr