Sharing wedding wisdom after countless conversations with peers & friends.

I always thought that “wedding season” was designated for the summertime, but the older I have gotten, the more I have realized weddings are not reserved to be seasonal. Whether it’s planned to happen on the hottest day of the summer or right in the middle of a blizzard in the horrendous winter, weddings are occasions where I have had the most fun. They bring people together to begin an everlasting union, but they also expose intriguing human behaviour. 

As someone who has consulted with countless peers about their wedding experiences, I’ve come to one solid conclusion: ironically, weddings are not just about the couple. They are about the guests, the families, and the seamless execution of a day that should be joyful and unforgettable. After some hardcore discussions with friends and peers, I have realized there are fundamental dos and don’ts that people continue to get wrong, and it’s time we talked about them.

Poor organization is one of the biggest mistakes that people make. Have you ever been to a wedding where no one knew when things would be happening next? Where the sound system was barely working, and the chatter of people was overbearing the music? Were guests either confused or too distracted by their chit-chatting amongst themselves to pay attention to the ceremony? To maintain a good flow on this special occasion, many people suggested incorporating a person who would be the master of ceremonies, who knows how to command attention. People underestimate the importance of simply using a microphone to quiet a room. Although it may be perceived as rude, it is quite necessary to ensure things keep going and don’t become stagnant (of course, try to politely shush them). Without structure, a wedding turns into an uncontrolled social gathering where people are more concerned about refilling their plates and drinks than celebrating the couple.

Nothing can get more chaotic for a wedding than the lack of seating arrangements. While name-specific seating can be a hassle, having assigned tables is a non-negotiable among my peers and friends. There is nothing worse than walking into a reception and awkwardly scanning the room for an empty seat—only to be told you aren’t allowed to sit there because it’s been informally reserved for someone else. What’s worse is when you grab food, and then return to find your spot taken. Weddings are not a high school cafeteria where guests should be left to fend for themselves. A little organization ensures that people sit where they will feel comfortable, preventing unnecessary social awkwardness and ensuring no one ends up being casted aside during the event.

Another crucial, yet overlooked, wedding essential are emergency pins. Wardrobe malfunctions happen, whether it’s zippers breaking, straps snapping or tears occurring. Having safety pins or a small emergency kit can save the day, not just for those part of the ceremony, but for any guest who finds themselves in a crisis. It’s such a small gesture but one that can prevent an outfit from turning into a disaster.

Regarding guests, I discovered that the topic of kids at weddings is a controversial one. This is where opinions got heated, but the consensus I found was that unless they are closely related to the couple, young children (especially under five) should stay home. Kids get bored, which is something my sister mentioned she felt when she was younger. It isn’t so much about crying or running around that worries people, but the fear that the décor—something people have spent months planning and paying for—might get destroyed by the presence of kids. Weddings are long and expecting a child to sit quietly through hours of it is unrealistic. Most agreed that it’s best to hire a sitter for the child if they are not explicitly invited.

Something that was also heavily addressed was attire. I was a bit flabbergasted to find out some of the clothing choices people made to attend a wedding. Weddings are not the occasion to wear a pair of jeans or overly promiscuous clothing. This is someone’s special day, and dressing appropriately shows respect. Similarly, showing up and making negative comments about any aspect of the wedding is not just rude, it’s unnecessary. If you don’t have something nice to say, just don’t say anything at all. 

Food was another sensitive subject. If you like to plan things out, don’t experiment with the menu on the day of the event. Catering is not the time for last-minute changes to embark on creative risks. The couple and their guests deserve well-prepared, delicious food—something that has been tested and approved well before the big day by those organizing the event. While food was being discussed, the topic of wedding cake traditions came up. If you and your spouse decide to smash cake into each other’s faces, make sure it’s something you both want and have explicitly agreed upon. What might seem like a playful joke can become an embarrassing and uncomfortable moment if one party is not fully into the idea.

Gifts are another area where people tend to misstep, from the input I have gathered. If there’s no registry, cash is always a safe bet. Just avoid bringing large gifts to the venue, as it can become a hassle to manage on what is already a long exhausting day. Be considerate by sending larger gifts on a different day or arranging for them to be delivered.

One of the most frustrating things at modern weddings, that most people agreed on, is people being glued to their phones. Weddings are once-in-a-lifetime occasions for most couples, and yet some guests spend the entire event digitally rather than experiencing it in real-time. If the couple requests a no-phone wedding, respect it. If phones are allowed, use them sparingly—or not at all. Not everything needs to be documented, as some moments are meant to be lived in the present.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, since it was emphasized many times, weddings should not be an obligation-driven event. Too many couples feel pressured to invite toxic family members, acquaintances or people they barely know just to avoid possible repercussions. A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event for most people, and it should be spent surrounded by love, not forced formalities.

At the end of the day, a wedding is about celebrating people choosing one another forever. There’s a mixture of tradition with a little bit of chaos.  If everyone respects the couple’s wishes, the day will go down in the books as being unforgettable for all the right reasons. So, next time you attend or plan a wedding, be sure to remember that above anything else, what matters is being present in the moment of these joyous, everlasting unions.