You’ve said what they’ve feared: “I’m an English major.” And by the expression on their face, you already know what they think about art degrees.

They stifle back a laugh and with a condescending smile saying, “I hope you like working at Starbucks,” hinting at your current job prospects. But the jokes on them — you’d love to work at Starbucks. It’s pumpkin spice latte season, after all.

Most art majors probably have had a conversation similar to this one with mild variations, of course. For the most authentic experience, please insert your personal favourite coffee chain into the format. Generally, these conversations follow the same pattern. Allow me to illustrate one for you.

Person A says, “Hey! What are your plans for the daunting void that is the future?”

Person B responds by saying that they are aiming towards whichever humanity, art, basket weaver degree that’s applicable to them.

Person A gives the verbal equivalent to the thumbs-up emoji, but patronizingly, to which person B gasps in shock and horror.

Every person pursuing a Bachelor of Arts has been asked this dreaded question. Whether you’re at family events, appointments with your academic advisor, with your friends or in the awkward void that is the first 10 minutes before a lecture. Perhaps you’ve even asked this to yourself. 

What are you doing with your future?

Honestly, hearing this question makes isolation in the far most northern woods seem pleasant. Although, the woods don’t have wifi or Netflix — or Amazon Prime, Hulu, Crunchyroll or whatever new streaming service our consumerist society markets next. We all love the internet too much so running from our problems, both physically and metaphorically, just won’t do.

A normal opinions column would go into the uplifting introspective on the question “Is an Arts degree worth it?” An even better column would go into the more meat and potatoes technical aspects of what to do with an arts degree. 

But not this one. This one, with a heavy emphasis on sarcasm, will tell you the best snarky, witty and polite replies to your adversaries.

For the snarky reply, please try, “I may have the most generic of all degrees, but that just means I can do anyone’s job — including yours.” Trust me. This will throw them for a loop, and you can quietly sneak a way while they try and think of a come-back.

If you’re going for a witty response, nihilism is rather trendy at the moment. Try formulating a response that is just a bit selfdeprecating but make it punchy. People can’t successfully knock you down if you beat them to it.  

Wit and snark aren’t your style? You can always take the high road away from this conversation. If you want to be polite you can simply say, “You are quite right. That would be accurate.”  Your blatant honesty will stop the conversation dead.

Of course, we can’t forget about the existential dread that haunts us, and to really drive home the sheer panic of it all while also planting a seed of a hopeless future for your critique, simply say, “In this economy, do any of us have plans for the future?” 

If you find any of the above mildly relatable, then you too — yes, you — probably have been asked the dreadful question: so, you’re getting an arts degree?

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Ashley Lekach

Photo: Riley Deacon