This is it — this is the year you’re finally going to pull it all together. You’re going to polish off all those prerequisites and glide wearily, but triumphantly, through to convocation on the back of the winged stallion known as Academic Achievement.
Maybe it’s your first year, and you’re excited, nervous and — most likely — completely unprepared for the incoming flurry of due dates and unhealthy coping strategies. Either way, you can probably still remember your first taste of battle — painstakingly typing all those course numbers into those fiddly little boxes on the registration page of PAWS.
If you’re anything like me, you decided to cram to your schedule full of responsibility — consequences be damned. Maybe you didn’t even have a choice. Surely, your half-hearted high-school study strategies will keep you going, right? Well, prepare to be more disappointed than a Travis Scott fan on their first listen-through of Astroworld.
There are plenty of ways to manage a full course load. There’s the responsible and productive way, consisting of meticulous organization and a healthy dose of sticking to a balanced routine. If you make yourself a schedule and commit to it, then you can stay on top of everything and still have the downtime necessary for YouTube marathons, exercise, or hell, even a social life! All it takes is a little discipline.
But discipline is the opposite of fun. Who wants to live under the tyrannical rule of free, easy-to-use apps like Google Calendar? I want to party first, plan later! Is there a way to maximize your cramming ability?
Well, there’s always Adderall. The problem — apart from all the side effects — is the financial cost of your newfound amphetamine dependency. There are plenty of other, less pharmaceutical ways to get your heart pounding and your fingers shaking. Perhaps even shadier than Big Pharma is Big Hortons.
What started as a trouble- some nub has metastasized into four fully operational breakfast joints, each one excreting great concentrations of caffeine directly into the tunnels. Clearly, the stuff works — this article was fueled by espresso-induced psychosis.
Instead of giving yourself palpitations, perhaps choose a more balanced course load of four — or maybe even three — classes. There’s no shame in that. Many people would prefer a slightly elongated degree over stressing themselves out to the point where their complexions start to resemble that weird stain on your laptop. Or hey, why not take two classes? Why not one?
In the decade it would take you to finish your undergrad, you’d have plenty of time to pursue the millennial dream — tending to your soon-to-be totally legal marijuana plants as you wait patiently for your meme page to blow up.
Graphic: Jaymie Stachyruk / Graphics Editor