If you’re concerned about starting university or in need of guidance, then not to worry! University is easy when a more experienced student — such as myself — tells you what to do! After reading these points, you’ll know everything you need for a successful year at the University of Saskatchewan.

1. Everyone remembers that one person from their first-year lectures who would blurt out jokes and comments to the entire class, but no one remembers that person fondly. Take my word for it: you aren’t that funny. Unless you want to be known behind your back as “that jerk who won’t pipe down,” save the comments for your friends.

2. Occasionally talking about your high school achievements is fine — but if they’re the only thing you talk about, no one is going to be impressed. There’s nothing sadder than meeting someone whose life has already peaked and tipped by 19 and that’s how you’ll come across if all you talk about is how you were a high school athlete or captain of the debate team or whatever. So try not to wear that football jacket every single day.

3. You’re probably sick of hearing this already, but if you don’t join a campus club, society or group, you’re going to be in for a lonely few years. Friends who share your interests aren’t going to come looking for you, so tell your inner monologue — whether it be shy, nervous, uncertain or just plain stuck-up — to shut up long enough to attend a club meeting.

4. September is going to seem really fun, but be ready for October to hit you over the head with essays, assignments and tests. I’m not saying you should try to do some work in the first month — that’d be ridiculous. Just savour your pleasure now and be prepared to panic later.

5. Two hours of Netflix and colour-coding your notes is not the same thing as two hours of productive studying. Writing definitions on a couple of flash cards while you go out for coffee isn’t much better. You have to put effort into studying, so don’t surround yourself with distractions when you review. While you’re at it, you should probably open that $200 textbook sooner than the night before the exam.

6. Whatever others might lead you to believe, you cannot live on ramen noodles alone. At least eat an orange once in a while to stave off scurvy.

7. As ramen cannot always be a substitute for food, coffee is not a substitute for sleeping. Period.

8. Don’t put too much trust in deadlines put forward by the university. If your professor says they’ll hand your essays back next class, expect to be waiting at least another week. If you need an advisor’s help, you should probably arrange the appointment several weeks before you actually need it. Most importantly, don’t buy into the myth that sends just about every first-year into a tizzy: “Instructors are given five business days after a final exam to submit final grades.”

9. Be warned that your classes will never be cancelled on account of weather. It may be a blizzard, the buses may be cancelled and it might be cold enough for your fingers to fall off within seven minutes, but the only things that can survive that kind of weather are lectures. Apparently the university considers it reasonable to run classes even if it’s impossible for many students to physically get to campus, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.

10. Don’t mess with the bus drivers outside of Place Riel. They will run you over before they risk being a minute late on their route. Beware.