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Let’s talk about sex!

By in Opinions

Sex isn’t the holy and sacred thing it used to be — and for the most part, this is a good thing.

While some of us are still saving ourselves for marriage, others have dove into the wonderful world of sex. One path is not better than the other, but there’s something to be said about how many in our society now perceive coitus, the horizontal mambo or hanky panky.

The biggest improvement about sex that’s taken place since our grandparents and parents were figuring out where things went is the whole notion of communicating about sex — which works on a few different levels.

How awesome is it that we can all talk about sex openly? Pretty damn awesome. Something that was once taboo and very hush-hush has since been erected into something for the masses to rejoice over.

Whether it’s talking about your one-night stand with your pal over brunch, taking a trip to a sex store with your lover or simply communicating with your partner about what you do or don’t like in the bedroom, sex talk is something that happens all the time.

I fully understand that we all come from differing backgrounds — some more conservative than others. I don’t want to seem offensive to those who view sexal intercourse in a different light than I do.

But if we’re truly moving towards a society that is anti-oppressive and inclusive, it should be okay to talk about these things should the situation permit itself to such discussion. Obviously talking about banging someone in the midst of an academic lecture is probably a poor life choice.

If sex is going to be an appropriate topic of conversation, it still needs to be approached judiciously. There are some friends with whom sex just isn’t a topic of conversation, and it’s also not something I’m going to discuss with grandparents or family friends. Just like having sex, there’s a time and a place for such discussions.

More and more young adults are able to talk to their parents about sex — hurray! It’s not as if parents and their children are talking about the full-fledged details (and really, your mom doesn’t want to know if you gave someone a blow job), but just having an open line of communication is key and so important to everyone’s sexual health.

My own family is quite liberal-minded — partially because of who’s in our group of family and what experiences we’ve all gone through — so sex can be an open topic of conversation in my house if it’s warranted. If it’s not directly talked about, it’s at least implied by other conversations we’ve had.

Just hearing “it’s okay if you don’t come home some nights, but please let me know what’s up” is a comfort to the ears of all dating-inclined children who happily exploit their parent’s generosity by living at home during university.

I feel terribly for those whose parents prohibit them from staying over at their partner’s houses.

I’m sure it must be difficult for parents to admit their little babies are sexually active, but pretending they’re not doing the deed isn’t going to help anyone either.

So communicating with family and friends is one part of sexual communication that’s key, but the other aspect that’s important falls on partner to partner communication — which is perhaps the most crucial part.

I don’t care if you’re having a one-night romp fest or if you’re “in it to win it” as some might say, sex needs to be talked about in a healthy manner between lovers.

You might date and fall in love with someone who wants to save their first time for their wedding night, but make sure that you both are comfortable with that and discuss it.

I’ve heard far too many stories about one partner being pressured into having sex when they really weren’t wanting to — but they didn’t want to break up, so they gave in or just fought about it all the time. That’s just a big old recipe for disaster.

In other instances, you and your partner might be long-term lovers but that doesn’t mean you can just carry on having intercourse without ever talking about it. My sympathies to those who have those lacklustre love lives. Spice it up! Talk about it.

I think the greatest sexual liberty of all is being able to communicate with your partner about what feels good, what doesn’t, where you want to have sex and how you want to do it. This doesn’t mean you’re talking dirty — which is also cool and fun — but sometimes it might mean that you and partner have a frank discussion about sex over a cup of joe or a bowl of soup.

Sex talk shouldn’t be solely confined to the bedroom in my opinion, but if that’s where you feel safest then leave those discussions for when the lights are off and the clothes are few and far between.

Sex Week is taking place from here at the University of Saskatchewan from Feb. 3 to 7, which says a lot about how the demographic of students here at the U of S approaches, views and discusses sex. The open-minded attitude is reflected by their student representatives.

“It’s important for students to feel like they can talk about healthy relationships — Sex Week offers that atmosphere,” said University of Saskatchewan Students’ Union President Max FineDay.

Let’s hear three cheers for Sex Week at the U of S and for sexual communication in general. Be safe, be smart and talk about sex.

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