MATTHEW CHILLIAK

Mayor Don Atchison has won the war on Christmas with the announcement that the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission has thrown out the complaint over “Merry Christmas!” being electronically displayed on public buses.

Blessed be our holy city of Saskatoon. Yes, in response to a barbaric complaint to the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission that our city buses remove the message of “Merry Christmas” from their electronic displays, Mayor Atchison has spoken up for and defended our city’s Christian roots. Hallelujah!

Atchison has previously stated that the celebration of Christmas would not be removed from the city bus displays because “Saskatoon was founded 130 years ago on Christianity.”

Now the Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission has thrown out the complaint. That’s right all you non-believers, Atchison is winning the War on Christmas once and for all.

And why stop with winning the War on Christmas? This is, after all, just part of the larger liberal “lamestream” media’s War on Christianity. This whole separation of church and state thing is an all-out attack on our religious freedoms. We have the right to be Christian and praise Christ in every aspect of our lives as well as in others’.

It would be nice to see more progress in defeating the secularist attacks on our persecuted Christian community. I suggest this holy crusade continues in order to ensure the secularists never threaten us with their logic and reason ever again.

We should start with not only allowing but mandating Christian prayer in all city events, messages and reports. This will let the secularists know they lost the war, and they are not welcome here. To the victors go the spoils.

We should also mandate businesses be closed on Sundays (including Atchison’s clothing store). This is God’s day, and I’m sure Atchison would agree that God deserves it.

Our libraries are full of “science,” and are indoctrinating our children with the hell-forsaken idea that we evolved from some monkey-fish-squirrel’s sexual experimentation. Won’t somebody please think of the children? These books should all be replaced with ones that teach creationism.

Atchison has skipped Saskatoon’s Gay Pride Parade in the past. In the future it would be nice to see the parade be ordered to stay 200-meters away from any religious institution. That is, unless someone wants to stop in to pray the gay away.

Freemason societies — of which Atchison is a member — ban atheists from their secret clubs and tea parties. Perhaps to ensure that this War on Christmas never flares up again, Saskatoon should follow suit. If it’s good enough for Atchison’s Freemason buddies, then it’s good enough for the rest of the city too.

And last but not least, to deal with the most evil menace of all: alcohol. Saskatoon was  alcohol-free in our founding colonial years, and again briefly in the early 20th century. I pray that Atchison’s Christian convictions will continue to guide his decision making process back towards prohibition. After all, it’s what our Methodist Temperance colonial forefathers really wanted when they founded this holy city.

Perhaps we can reinstate the alcohol ban our saintly forefathers instituted. And as for drinking the blood of Christ, that better be grape juice in the Eucharist.

Winning these battles may not be easy, but surely they are no match for Atchison.

Hopefully, with this War on Christmas finally over we can get back to celebrating the Christmas season. We are all forgetting the true meaning of Christmas: The birth of Santa.

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Graphic: Cody Schumacher/Graphics Editor