There are many ways to be victimized, from robbery to harassment to violent sexual assault. Once someone has been branded a victim, our society too often shifts blame from their attacker onto them, piling more problems on the victim’s shoulders.
We need to stop treating survivors of sexual assault as if what happened to them was their fault in any way and recognize that they are not what needs to change.
If you have watched or read any news lately, you will know about a series of prominent verbal attacks on women and women’s reproductive rights.
First there was U.S. Republican representative Todd Akin, who is strongly opposed to abortion in all cases. He had the audacity to say that in cases of “legitimate rape,” a woman’s body has ways of preventing pregnancy.
Another politician, Pennsylvania Republican senate candidate Tom Smith, later claimed that a woman having a baby out of wedlock is like a woman having a baby as a result of being raped. His daughter had a child out of wedlock and he praised her for “choosing life” even though she knew how he felt about premarital sex, much as many Republicans praise women for choosing to carry a child who is a product of rape.
Smith even went so far as to say that we need to focus on how the men, whether the unmarried fathers or rapists as the case may be, feel in these types of situations.
Both concepts made me sick. They made me angry.
Then, on Aug. 29, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s niece Krista took to Twitter to tell women how to avoid sexual assault. “Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defense classes & don’t dress like a whore. #DontBeAVictim #StreetSmart,” she wrote.
Most of this advice is terrific. But the fifth piece made me want to slap her through the computer screen.
It’s my right as a woman to style my hair the way I want, to put on as much or as little makeup as I want, and especially to wear whatever the hell I want.
It’s my body, and it’s my life. If a woman chooses to wear a low-cut shirt and mini skirt, it doesn’t mean that she is holding a sign above her head reading, “Rape me.” Nor does going to a club to party the night away and drinking too much invite someone to take advantage of her while she’s defenseless.
In an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (which deals with sex crimes) Detective Munch compares murder and rape victims and says, “It’s the living victims that rip your guts out.”
He’s right. It is appalling when media and society persecute women who have been raped by claiming that they deserved it. This is why many women don’t report themselves as having been raped. They don’t go to a hospital to get medical attention or a rape kit done. The attacker’s DNA is washed away along with the victim’s sense of security. Many women want to forget and move on, and most don’t want to be scrutinized by the distorted lens of society that says they don’t deserve happiness or closure.
If you want to go after someone to get justice for what has happened? Go after the rapists. Put them in jail so they won’t see sunlight for years, and send a message to anyone else out there who thinks they can ruin someone’s life and get away with it.
A victim’s mind becomes a closed hell until another person reaches out to them. They don’t have to also be a victim of rape to connect with someone. They can be a relative, friend or stranger. It’s called empathy. Try it sometime. It shows a rape survivor that they are not alone.
If society is going to blame a rape victim for her attack, then the problem isn’t with the victim, it’s with us.
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Photo: fitnews.com