KELVIN PALM
Opinions Writer
With H1N1 on the rise and the rigours of weather forcing students to remain indoors, it seemed prudent to produce a simple and straightforward guide to avoiding the dreaded “swine flu” (H1N1) this season. Here are a few helpful tips, as brought to you by Campus Health and Purell® — official sponsor of the 2009 Influenza Pandemic.
Step One: Plan ahead
If one could summarize the best way to avoid infection this season in a single word, it would be “preparedness.” Given how quickly the virus spreads once even a single individual is infected, it is almost inevitable that you, or someone you know, will succumb to this insidious plague.
Preparing a “flu kit” ahead of time will almost certainly come in handy. Suggested contents include a thermometer, hand sanitizer, tissues, over-the-counter medication, hydration packs, a pre-packaged medical kit, safety whistle, paracord, water purification tablets and a sturdy survival knife.
Place your flu kit in a rugged backpack; make sure you choose a pack that will be comfortable with long use, in case escape from the city is made necessary. If you have a vehicle, consider preparing a more extensive flu kit bag, including a greater selection of medical supplies, outdoor camping equipment and clothing and other essential survival gear. Remember: You can never be too prepared for H1N1!
Step Two: Avoid all human contact
The influenza virus is spread primarily through airborne particles — such as those produced by a sneeze or cough; through contact with infected bodily fluids; and through contact with infected surfaces (skin, keyboards, doorknobs, toilet handles, etc.) The best way to avoid infection, then, is to avoid all of the above — for instance, not using a washroom that you have not sanitized personally.
If you absolutely must enter a potentially contaminated area, be safe! Wear appropriate personal protective equipment — at a minimum, disposable gloves, eye protection and dust or particulate masks, a Level C or better hazmat suit is also strongly recommended. Don’t forget to frequently change gloves and disinfect your hands between replacements with Purell®: Imagine a touchable world®.
Step Three: Wash your hands
Cough into your handkerchief.
If you find yourself in a situation where you may have been exposed to H1N1 but experience none of the symptoms and need to cough or sneeze, do so into a handkerchief as befitting a person of good breeding — which you all must be, being students of such an esteemed institution as the University of Saskatchewan. Indeed, one could almost say that the University of Saskatchewan has a certain cachet — a niche, if you will — that requires, nay, demands the obscurity so ruminated upon of late by the university administration; thus, any attempts at “rebranding” or “reimagining” the University of Saskatchewan will meet only with the guffaws of high society.
If you don’t have a handkerchief, you can sneeze into your hand or the crook of your arm, you dirty little pleb.
Step Four: At the first sign of symptoms, do not seek medical attention. Ever.
If, despite all your precautions, you experience any of the symptoms of influenza (fever, coughing, headache, muscle or joint pain, sore throat, runny nose, vomiting, diarrhea), do not seek medical attention. You could potentially transmit the H1N1 virus to uninfected patients who are only in the Student Health Centre to get sick notes for other suspected ailments (e.g. hangovers).
Instead, you should contact your instructors, let them know you will be absent from your courses and then fill out a copy of the Student Declaration of Absence Due to Influenza-Like Illness (ILI) form (available online) for each of your courses. (I strongly suggest making several copies. In case of loss or misplacement, you will then be well-protected, especially considering how some teachers tend to disregard paperwork as “unnecessary” and “a waste of time”). Rest and recover at home instead.
If symptoms persist, telephone the student health line, or the Saskatchewan toll-free HealthLine, or simply call — or text — all your friends and ask them for advice. Be sure to submit all the forms upon your return but don’t forget to disinfect your hands with Purell® before handling the forms. After all, there are only so many lecturers, especially with the budget cutbacks.