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Fake News: Boston Dynamics sex robot programmed to call you by wrong name for realistic performance

By in Distractions

ENGINEERING BUILDING — On Feb. 12, an invite-only audience saw Boston Dynamics present their first sex-robot prototype as part of a cross-country lecture series.

Named “Monotony,” the robot is said to provide an incomparably realistic sexual experience. For lead programmer and designer Gerald Oakhouse, this authenticity is reached because of Monotony’s active disinterest in the task.

“We understand the importance of creating a realistic and authentic sexual experience,” said Oakhouse, during the lecture. “For many people nowadays, banality is the status quo for sexual encounters. So, we programmed Monotony with that in mind.”

Oakhouse revealed that Monotony is programmed to yawn, sigh, check its phone and even call you by the wrong name while doing the deed. Oakhouse hopes that forthcoming updates will allow Monotony to shake users’ hands once finished.

For Derek Bradson, a third-year mechanical engineering student, the lecture was inspiring.

“Not only was Monotony super hot, I’m glad that Boston Dynamics is finally focusing on worthwhile projects,” Bradson said. “It’s really shown me the possibilities in the sex-robot field are endless. I hope to one day create the first emotionally unavailable sex robot.”

Bradson isn’t alone in understanding the potential that Monotony heralds. In fact, Boston Dynamics announced that they will cease to work on Atlas, Spot and Handle in order to focus on creating two more lines of realistic sexbots.

Monotony is slated for release on June 7, available on Amazon or at your local adult store.

This article is satirical and is not intended to communicate any true or factual information about the American design company Boston Dynamics.

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