JAMES PEPLER
Sports Writer

As someone who never played a single sport in high school or university due to an embarrassing weight-related perspiration issue and subsequent debilitating self-confidence problem, I’ve often felt left out of the sporting world.

But then I lost some weight (cutting out sugary beverages and reducing meal sizes can go a very long way) and came to the conclusion that regular showering and deodorant takes care of the confidence issue. Go figure.

Now I feel the need to dive right into sport and do it the only way someone with a major in English can do it: alphabetically.

Immersing myself in the world of sport is still a daunting task. I’ve not quite lost all of my apprehension of this unfamiliar terrain. Faced with a large degree of unknown, I’ve decided to combine it with a sliver of familiarity: my first love, English, and my second love, checklists.

“I feel the need to dive right into sport and do it the only way someone with a major in English can do it: alphabetically.”

There’s nothing more satisfying than completing a task that has a neat little box next to it to be checked off. And yes, when I say checked off, I mean using a check mark, like when you get a right answer — none of this ex-ing crap. It’s too defeatist. This is an accomplishment, not a failure. Your punctuation ought to reflect your attitude, a philosophy strongly used in sport.

For example, when a hockey game goes to shootouts the symbols for scoring are checks and misses are Xs. Grammar and sport are comfortable bedfellows and I intend to snuggle in between them. But I digress.

I’ve compiled a list of 26 sport or sport-like physical events, both individual and team-oriented, each beginning with one of the 21 beautiful consonants and five proud vowels. The first thing I did was list off the sports I’ve always wanted to try; they made their way into the list right away.

This included events like archery, cross-country skiing, ultimate frisbee, whitewater rafting and zip-lining. There are so many choices, but instead of being overwhelmed I found myself excited, like a child prodigy at a local spelling bee!

My first hurdle (I love using sport-based terminology and I feel I’m deserving of it now) was that so many sports begin with the same letter, so I had to be ruthless with myself when deciding to undertake either badminton or ballroom dancing. I’m thinking the latter.

Basketball, baseball, and bowling are all pretty obvious but I’m sure as a kid I did them all a bit, so they don’t count.

The next mogul to ski past (whheeeee) was finding sports to fill those odd duck letters, Q and X. It took me only one set of commercials on the Outdoor Life Network to find inspiration and jot down quading; that’s not a word, but I wasn’t about to write down “riding quads.”

Finally I had to do some research only to find out that xingyiquan was my only option. Xingyiquan is a form of Chinese martial arts that uses defensive and aggressive explosive movements and can incorporate weapons. Unable to even pronounce the sport correctly, I decided to bend the rules a bit and do BMX biking. What? There’s an X in there! Besides, this is my list. My rules; I’ll do as I please.

You see what is happening here?

I decided relatively quickly that doing this list in alphabetic order would be impractical and potentially hamper sporting opportunities that will inevitably pop up.

When you delve into the world of sport you quickly realize that there is an ever-present branching-effect that occurs. It seems that there is no shortage of folks needing extra players in a vast array of connected events. No one plays just one sport, which means there are always people scouting for new opponents or to fill their other teams.

Participating in my alphabetic adventure has been a wild ride, I’m currently entering my second year and I’ve checked off nine events. I’m just getting into archery right now and I liked ultimate frisbee so much that I’ll be continuing it through a summer league. I have already gained confidence, have more energy, and expanded my comfort zone, not to mention lost weight. I’d advise anyone who may feel like sport is not for them to incorporate what is already familiar and find a way to challenge yourself.

Oh and for God’s sake, stretch before and after anything!

Anyone need a ballroom dancing partner?

– –
image: Flickr