Nine is a musical of the worst kind — the kind that takes itself too seriously.
It thinks it is a serious movie about life and creativity and making movies; it thinks it has a leading man who can make the audience believe he is so charismatic that two women, or three or four or five or anybody, would sleep with him. Nine actually purports that attractive, gorgeous, sexy women singing run-of-the-mill Broadway show tunes in lingerie will more than make up for its lame leading man and its bad attempts at drama.
But the worst sin that Nine commits is that it tries to say something profound about Italy, about creativity and the creative mind, rather than just accepting its fate as being a musical.
The movie stars Daniel Day-Lewis as the famous Italian filmmaker Guido Contini. Guido has decided to make a movie for which he only has the title, “Italia.” He has no script and has writer’s block. To get away from the press and his producer he heads to a spa.
His producer finds him and so does his mistress Carla (Penelope Cruz), his wife Luisa (Marion Colliard) and a man-eating journalist (Kate Hudson). He has fantasies about his mother (Sophia Loren) and flashbacks back to his childhood encounter with a hooker (Fergie). He is trying to find inspiration from his muse, a famous actress who frequently stars in his films (Nicole Kidman) and also takes comfort in his assistant and costumer, played by Judi Dench.Â
Reading this you might think that this could be a great screwball comedy. Sadly, no. It becomes an overwrought soap opera with a sad, pouty wife and Guido trying to fix everything and feeling bad that he can’t make a movie and his personal life is mess. Perhaps director Rob Marshall, after having won the Oscar for his previous movie Chicago and not knowing about the stunning movies that came out this year, thought he had a chance for another Oscar win.Â
If it had accepted its fate and just been a glorious, dumb, goofy, musical camp-fest, Nine could have been something great. It completely misses an opportunity for cinematic gold by not having the priests do a musical number. No message, no insight. Just a movie about a filmmaker who can’t make a movie and trying to sleep with every person who gets in his way.Â
Nine is based on a Broadway musical, which is itself based on an Italian movie that came out in 1963 called 8 ½. 8 ½ is what Nine aspires to be — a movie with something to say about life, love, and creativity. Its women were sexy, the leading man was played with cool detachment by Marcello Mastrioanni, his wife was an ice queen, and there was a scene with a bunch of women with whips who — you know what? Forget it.