Men built the cage, they should learn to pick the lock.

The patriarchy is not new. Feminism has been preaching its harms for decades. But beyond splitting the bill and ironic jokes about the pink tax, men have not been listening. It’s only now that men are noticing how patriarchal systems and norms affect them as well. Surprise: There are very few winners within oppressive structures. 

Across the board, young Canadians are experiencing higher levels of isolation in recent decades. A 2024 survey done by the YMCA showed 68 per cent of Canadians aged 18 to 24 felt a lack of belonging to a community. However, the data shows a significant discrepancy in isolation among men. One in two men said they felt socially isolated across Canada in 2025. According to the Public Health Agency of Canada, suicide rates among men were three times higher than women in 2022. Across Canada, men account for 75 per cent of all suicide deaths. 

Clearly, men are facing a crisis. In some cases, it leads to self-harm. In other cases, it leads to  societal harm. For some, this isolation has bred misguided resentment and resulted in social harm as gender-based violence. These cases have been identified by the RCMP as violence emboldened by “incel ideology”. 

This phenomenon of isolation and loneliness has created polarized pockets in online spaces, namely among young men. Increasingly, cis-hetro men are becoming radicalized and doubling down on their isolation. Self-proclaimed “high value alpha males” blame their loneliness on the women who fail to meet their “high value” standards. These standards echo outdated ideas and frustrations about how women should act, dress and speak in relation to men. These ideologies have encouraged men to swear off women and further isolate themselves from their peers, deeming themselves “involuntarily celibate” or simply “incels”.  

Yet now, the onus has been placed on women in society to fix this epidemic. Some men are seeking to substitute connection through romantic relationships alone. All of a sudden, girlfriends are expected to encompass a therapist, best friend, maid—sometimes even a surrogate mother, as we’ve seen on #TeamJeremiah. 

Mothers and girlfriends are carrying the burden of cleaning up a system that they did not create. It is men who created and are now replicating the patriarchal norms and pressures that built their cage: the same patriarchy that enforces traditional ideas of femininity onto women is also strictly defining masculinity in ways that harm men. Toxic masculinity is a self-reinforcing cycle that works to oppress men as long as they continue to perpetuate its standards. 

As an outsider, I notice a lack of emotional connection within some close male friendships. Chatting with guy friends, I notice that their friendships seem to be based around larger groups and a shared activity. Having a golfing buddy or friends to scrimmage with is valuable, don’t get me wrong. However, community and companionship do not succeed in numbers alone—you might find yourself feeling lonely in a crowded room. 

Oftentimes, men get together to watch games and play frisbee golf or League of Legends, and might leave without having talked about major life events or reaching emotional depths in conversation. The emotional component of friendship is being neglected at the cost of keeping hangouts fun and light. From what I have seen, male friendships tend not to be based on emotional connection and do not prioritize emotional visibility the same way women do, instead tending to be low-maintenance and versatile. 

The harsh truth is that men must pull their weight to fight this epidemic. Loneliness is not defined by whether or not you are cuffed in time for Christmas. It is a lack of community and support systems, both of which men are failing to build for each other. Women tend to have much more robust support systems for each other within platonic friendships, starting as simple as remembering each other’s birthdays, favourite snacks and names of exes. 

It may seem small and insignificant, but men should strive to know their friends on a deeper level. What is your best friend’s favourite colour? The name of his childhood pet that passed away during his senior year? What is his favourite movie? Within romantic relationships, men show that they are fully capable of extending this effort to their partners; their friendships often do not get the same effort. Expressing curiosity and caring enough to pay attention is a good first step. 

Beyond knowing trivia, men also need to be pillars of support for their friends and family. When navigating emotionally turbulent situations, are men able to lean on their male peers or father figures in their lives? Since men feel discouraged to be emotionally vulnerable with each other, it has become taboo within their dynamics to open up with each other, and many men are hesitant to offer their shoulder to lean on. Only men can break the stigma around vulnerability and showing emotion for each other, as it is often they who enforce it. Extending an open ear can go a long way, even if you don’t always know the right thing to say; support networks are not built overnight. 

Aside from putting in more effort, men also need to start expecting more out of each other. Men seem to set the bar very low for even their closest relationships—showing up is optional, and keeping in touch is frivolous. Accountability among male friendships seems to be an unnecessary annoyance that threatens and disrupts the convenience and function of their friend groups. However, men should hold their friends to a higher standard and keep each other in check. Without this accountability, toxic cycles and behaviours will persist since they are not challenged. Community is essential, so it is imperative to push those within your community to rise to the occasion. 

If men are serious about remedying this phenomenon of loneliness and isolation, then men need to learn how to show up for each other to fix the issues from within. Show up in effort, show up in vulnerability and show up in accountability. Relying solely on women as support systems while never showing up for each other or checking your closest friends is not a sustainable way to solve this cultural loneliness. Men putting in the work to build community and being a contributing member of that community is the only way they will be able to solve this epidemic.