A reminder that constantly chasing the next milestone blinds us to life unfolding right in front of us.

I did not realize there was a name for that restless feeling of always looking ahead, of believing life would finally make sense once I reached the next goal. I thought it was normal to measure my worth by how quickly I could move from one milestone to another. Each achievement felt like a brief exhale before I inhaled the pressure of the next one. I convinced myself that happiness lived in some future moment. This is referred to as destination addiction.

For so long, I imagined life to be like a staircase. Each step was something to climb, whether that was a grade, an admission letter, a job, an opportunity or even a new version of myself. At the top, I imagined a place where everything would align and I would finally feel whole as a person. However, as soon as I reached one step, I would barely pause before my eyes shot up to the next. I barely acknowledged the success because my mind was already crafting the next requirement for happiness.

This ambition that I thought was motivating me was actually controlling me. I did not know how to exist without chasing something else. I did not know how to simply be in my life without focusing on the next thing I needed to earn. I treated myself like a project under constant construction, rather than a person who is living her life.

It was only when I slowed down enough to observe the pattern that I understood how exhausting it had become. People around me often describe this feeling too as the sense that no matter what they achieve, it never feels like enough. They talk about how constantly chasing the “next thing” causes them to be absent in present moments, thus being disconnected from the lives they are currently living. They express how each accomplishment blurs into the next, and how the satisfaction of arriving fades faster every time. 

This has made me realize that destination addiction is a very universal concept. It is the background noise of a generation raised to believe that self-worth is earned through constant progress.

What makes destination addiction so damaging is that it convinces you that happiness is always missing. It whispers that you are one step behind where you should be. It turns your life into a race you never agreed to run. If you do not realize this on your own, you end up abandoning the version of yourself living today for the one you imagine tomorrow.

The truth is that destination addiction feeds on comparison. You see others announcing milestones, celebrating victories, broadcasting the highlights of their lives, and you begin to believe that you are behind. You assume everyone else is arriving faster than you, and that their arrival has given them something you are missing. This comparison is flawed. Since we are all in different stages of life. Some of us are ahead in career ambitions, while others are still figuring out their passion. These slow, tedious processes are not shared, and these are the parts where most of the raw life moments happen.

When I look back now, I see how often I tied my happiness to hypothetical versions of myself. I told myself I would be happier when I accomplished something else. I imagined that once I proved myself in school or at work, I would finally feel grounded. It was as though I believed my future self was more deserving of joy than my present one.

It was only after talking to others and reading deeper reflections online that I understood this pattern for what it was: a belief that the present is merely preparation, not a destination itself. This sentiment struck me because it mirrored my own inner narrative. 

There is a quiet kind of grief in realizing that you have been racing through your own life. You start to recognize the moments you skimmed over and how much you lost by constantly seeking the next thing, rather than seeing the things already in front of you.

In spite of the grief, I also feel relief in naming the problem. I began noticing how often my mind drifts into the future, forecasting happiness as something not yet available. I have gotten better at catching myself downplaying my accomplishments the minute they happen.

What if the arrival is not the reward?

The more I ask myself this, the more I understand that destination addiction is not an ambition problem, but a being absent-in-the-present problem. Having goals is not wrong, but believing happiness is only possible after achieving them is. It ends up robbing you of all happiness before accomplishing those goals. Instead of feeling pride for yourself, you feel relief that you can check it off your box and move onto the next thing on the to-do list.

I have learned to pause after accomplishing something, even if the pause was brief. I now celebrate without immediately needing to plan the next milestone. I find joy in the ordinary parts of my day, not just the days that come with big announcements. Appreciating who I am in the middle of the journey, rather than only valuing who I might become at the end of it, has made a significant difference in my life.

There is no final version of you waiting at the top of some staircase. The truth is, you will never reach the top of that staircase if you want to continue growing. Life is the staircase, and if you are alive, you will always be climbing it. The steps do not represent failures or unfinished versions of yourself, but the natural unfolding of being human. Each step is shaped by the experiences you gather, the relationships you nurture, the mistakes you make and the lessons you learn because of them. You are meant to move, not because you are incomplete, but because movement is how you remain alive.

Growth asks you to continue climbing. There is a quiet beauty in knowing you never have to be done becoming.