THE UNIVERSITY OF SASKATCHEWAN’S MAIN CAMPUS IS SITUATED ON TREATY 6 TERRITORY AND THE HOMELAND OF THE MÉTIS.
THE UNIVERSITY OF SASKATCHEWAN’S MAIN CAMPUS IS SITUATED ON TREATY 6 TERRITORY AND THE HOMELAND OF THE MÉTIS.
Young people are losing community. The solution? Breaking the ice and bringing back chit-chat.
Small talk has a reputation for being an annoying obligation. Being trapped in the elevator with the elderly man–chatty and rather peeved about how windy it’s been–is the stuff of introverted nightmares. The goal? To get to the end of the conversation as soon as possible and make it out alive. Post-pandemic, these small efforts of connection have become somewhat taboo and discouraged, especially with the younger population: AirPods on the bus; studying the weather app in the elevator. However, in an increasingly disconnected world, we should regret that we’ve given up these mundane social acts, and ask ourselves what small things we can do to rebuild a sense of community. Here are five reasons why small talk is worth it:
Having a common enemy has brought humanity together for eons. It is the simplest point of connection to find with a stranger.
“UNIVERSITY 26–SERVICE DELAY up to 25 minutes.” My transit app has just delivered the kiss of death after a packed day of lectures. The stranger behind me scans his U-Pass just like we all did, packing onto the bus like sardines, just like we all are. The constant pushing and shoving is our common enemy now as more people pile on the bus. Stranger and I both purse our lips in annoyance, and all of a sudden, the earbuds come off and the ice is broken. For the rest of the bus ride, we complain about the bus having too many stops, how we wish we had one of those long slinky buses and how it’s so much easier sometimes to just walk home.
We have created our own cage where these unskippable cutscenes are endured in silence, and we all pretend to be oh-so-busy on our phones. Share your misery! Turn to a stranger to complain about the lack of ventilation in the Arts building, or share in a knowing sigh about a long line at Tim’s. Chances for connection are all around, you just have to bite the hook.
Everyone daydreams about meet-cutes and organic chances of connection. Girl drops her books and Boy picks them up. But with our reservations toward small talk, are we denying ourselves the opportunities that present themselves? Who are you to deny fate!? Open yourself to polite conversation and let people surprise you.
Dissolve the assumption that you are too good for small talk. Small talk is often what gains us a priviness to how complex and cool a stranger is. Critics of small talk often say they would rather have “real” and “deep” conversations about things that “actually matter”. They want to skip over all the fluff and get to the “good stuff”.
Instead, we should all look at small talk as a way to explore the potential of someone you’ve had the luck to cross paths with. Although your conversation started with a seemingly shallow “I love your outfit!”, you are using small talk as a wedge to prop open a door where substance peeks through.
You learn a lot through the most shallow conversation because oftentimes meaning is conveyed in what is not said. We can learn so much about each other just by how we rally in conversation. We can understand someone better based on how they hold themselves or how they react to the stories that others share. Also, the act of small talk is a two-way street–allow yourself to be known by others! The world is full of interesting people with things to say, and you might be passing up on the best connections by shutting the door.
While in some ways our phones have afforded us the chance to connect with so many more people, in other ways, we have given up the most traditional form of communication in exchange.
Your favourite TikTokker is not your friend! The characters in your current binge-watch are not your friends! We are beginning to not only replace human face-to-face interactions with real relationships, but also confusing the two.
A 2022 study done by the American Psychological Association found that “pandemic-induced reliance on screens to engage with real-life friends may have blurred the cognitive distinctions between real-life friends and liked media personae, thereby strengthening parasocial relationships.”
Because we observe so many conversations day to day, our brain fails to recognize the lack of social interaction we’re having each day… how dystopian.
Not only do we substitute actual conversations, but we also substitute how we carry them out. Face-to-face conversations are often much more of a hassle than texting. Leaving breadcrumbs on your Instagram story for your crush might be so much less daunting than actually striking up a conversation.
Speaking to people in real life is a risky performance in multitasking: reading body language, note-taking and improvisation. But if we put our phones down and look each other in the eye, we may finally realize what we’re missing.
Leaving your comfort zone is imperative to personal development. Being quick on your feet is a survival skill in our modern world. Working a single shift in any customer service job will expose one to an underbelly of unideal social situations. Life will deal tough cards and force us to face unsavoury situations sometimes. If only life was so kind, and we only had to interact with people we get along with.
I wish every customer would stick to the unofficial script of “Hi. Good, how are you? No bags, thanks. Visa, please.” But maybe each person who challenges the “social script” is a chance to sharpen your wit. Smooth seas don’t make good sailors, as they say. By taking on the challenge of awkward conversations, you develop the neural pathways to pivot and problem-solve in real time, a skill that transcends mundane social interactions.
If nothing else has convinced you so far, do it for your own career propulsion. It is invaluable to develop the skills to be able to chat your way into the right rooms with the right people, and then make them remember your name with a good conversation. Beyond getting the job, small talk helps to develop those social skills you need to chat with your bosses, hold a conversation with your workplace rival or go out for lunch with a client. Social skills are valuable in any field of work–even antisocial scientists chained to their labs eventually need to negotiate funding with investors or ask for raises every once in a while. The skills will not develop overnight, so go out and practice small talk with your barista tomorrow morning.
Young people must learn to talk to each other! We seem to only reserve small talk for older folks who break the ice first. But one day, we will be the older generation with a duty to share anecdotes and trap the youngins in droning conversation. By discouraging small gestures of connection like small talk, we are on our way to becoming the cranky grandparents who tell kids to get off their lawn. Inadvertently, we reject each other and erode our sense of collectivity.
Annoyance may be a tax, but connection is the reward. When we shell out a little more effort to connect to those around us, no matter how minuscule, we realize that a little inconvenience is the price we pay for community.
