The University of Saskatchewan’s main campus is situated on Treaty 6 Territory and the Homeland of the Métis.

Shit on the Sheaf

By in Distractions

Since 1912, the University of Saskatchewan student newspaper has been a formidable presence across campus as the journalistic voice for the student body. 

As the years have come and gone, so too has the perceived quality of the Sheaf.

Nowadays, students are paying $8.88 each term for the Sheaf,yet few students would consider going out of their way to pick up the paper and give it a gander. 

People, you are literally paying for this paper. We publish a new issue each week with localized coverage on News, Sports and Health, Culture and of course, Opinions. Think you can do better? Then reach out and contribute.

Until that happens, you can shit on us all you want. With that said, let us take a look through some anonymous “shits” on the Sheaf.

“Wait, people read this?” 

Surprisingly enough, yes. Why don’t you join the educated masses? 

“This paper isn’t good for anything but wiping your ass.”

Yikes. You wipe your ass with the paper? That doesn’t seem very comfortable. I mean, I know we’re all broke and money is tight and all, but if you need toilet paper that bad you can just snag one from a campus bathroom. It’s not much of a step up but I don’t think anyone would mind. 

I can’t imagine the chaffing. 

“I don’t like the texture of the paper.”

I hope it’s not for its wiping purposes. Just for you, we’ll introduce a perforated issue. 

Or you could just read it online. 

“Y’all are so elitist.” 

We’re the gum stuck on the bottom of the shoes of the elitist, but you can always find something shiny in a pile of garbage, right?

“How can I roll joints with this shit?”

You can’t. It isn’t slow ­burning, it’s not thin enough and honestly, if you smoked the ink, you might get poisoned. 

But if you actually want to learn, talk to our staff writer.

“It makes for the perfect gift wrapping paper for Christmas — keep it up.”

Hey, this isn’t a dig but we can use the moral support so thanks. 

To keep shitting on the Sheaf, email culture@thesheaf.com. Who knows, it might be the start of your journalism career.

Graphic: Shawna Langer/ Graphics Editor

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