Have you recently acquired any pets to deal with your loneliness? 

A.  Yes, I recently adopted two feral cats and am attempting to domesticate them.

B.  I am definitely emotionally dependent on my 17-year-old dog whom I would be verklempt and distraught without. 

C.  Alas, my childhood pet was recently put down and I am overcome with grief and in a state of eternal perdition.

D.  No.

E.  I do have a pet, but it is more for companionship than to fill a void.

Have you dealt with your childhood emotional trauma? 

A.  I don’t think my childhood really affects me any more. It was so long ago. 

B.  I have an arsenal of coping mechanisms that keep me afloat. We don’t have to talk about whether they’re healthy or not.

C.  I don’t think I experienced any childhood trauma.

D.  No. 

E. Yes.

Are you currently in a relationship? 

 A. Does wheeling count? 

 B. Bold of you to assume I’m able to trust someone that much. 

 C. No, but I’m open to the idea.  

 D. Yes. 

 E. No. 

How many hoes do you have on the side? 

A.  I think hoe is a strong word. I like to refer to them as my flavours of the month. 

B.  I’m not sure how I would approach starting that sort of relationship with someone. 

C. I’ve thought about it, but no. 

D. I don’t see how that information is relevant to the quiz. 

E.  None. 

How willing are you to forsake them all for your one true winter fling? 

A.  Ehhhhhhh. 

B.  Extremely willing, considering the fact that I don’t have any.

C.  Very. 

D. Not really. 

E. Anything for my one true fling. 

Mostly As  – Probably not. 

Take some time to get your priorities straight. Go on a long walk and think about what you really want in life. You’re young, wild and free — and if you’re not, do you really have time for another mistake of a relationship? 

Mostly Bs – See a therapist. 

Self-love is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Learn to enjoy having some alone time and work towards personal growth. Sit this cuffing season out, maybe. Take a break, stop and smell the flowers. Maybe seek out a flavour of the month if you’re really feeling lonely. 

Mostly Cs – Better not to tell you now.

You have some decisions you need to make. Take a day off, crack open a cold one with the boys and figure out what exactly it is that you want. 

Mostly Ds  – All signs point to “God, no.” 

Listen here. Are you sitting comfortably? Good, because you’ll want to be sitting for this one. If you need a quiz to tell you not to get into a relationship with all the baggage you’re carrying, I don’t know how to help you. Get a grip. 

Mostly Es – As I see it, yes.  

You’ve handled all your affairs accordingly are in an emotionally mature state. You are ready to commit to a healthy fall fling — and who knows, maybe it will extend past cuffing season into a full-fledged relationship. 

—

Tomilola Ojo