Horoscopes: May 9th

By in Distractions

Aries: 
March 21 – April 20 
Is that smoke from a spring bbq or is your life going up in flames?

Taurus: 
April 21 – May 20 
Take life by the horns or get gored. I don’t really know what to tell you.

Gemini: 
May 21 – June 20 
Whatever you do, don’t look behind you. Don’t say I never warned you.

Cancer: 
June 21 – July 22
Careful, they milk horseshoe crabs for their blue blood, and you may be next. 

Leo: 
July 23 – Aug. 22 
Pick some lilacs from a bush and crush them under your heel.

Virgo: 
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22 
Wear white and dance around the maypole, but remember to honour spring with a bloody sacrifice.

Libra: 
Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
Self care or self destruction? It’s a fine balance, really.

Scorpio: 
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21 
The calcified heart of your recent lover makes a great wedding gift.

Sagittarius: 
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 
Wild horses could drag me a very long distance away. I can’t feel my legs.

Capricorn: 
Dec. 22 -Jan. 19
Beware the pines of President Murray Park.

Aquarius: 
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 
Sit quietly on a green bench in the Bowl and wait for the magpies to reveal their secrets. Remember to bring them an offering of sticks for their nest. Or else.

Pisces: 
Feb. 19 – March 20 
Wait at the weir and make a wish when the pigeons fly over the CP Train Bridge.