Ode to term-paper season

By in Opinions

Writing term papers in March is less stimulating than having a dinner fork impale my pinky toe. Post-secondary institutions could not stoop to implement a more conventional, mundane task that writing a term paper.

Is there anything more clichéd? Writing term papers in March may be the university’s most unoriginal idea yet. Sure, students embraced the university’s idea of writing finals two days before Christmas, but writing term papers in March is undoubtedly the dullest proposition to the student body yet.

Despite the fact that term papers have been so overdone in the past half-century, the university continues to force us overworked, underpaid students to carry out the task at hand, so that our intelligence can be evaluated on an academic level — lame.

Do the people in charge  actually believe that, by researching established scholars’ findings and academic breakthroughs, students — who pay thousands of dollars in tuition just to breathe in the aromatic smell of Vanellis pizza and have justification to submit their opinions to USask Confessions — will be influenced or enlightened enough to one day have breakthroughs of their own?

Students could do so much with the one week they have to finish five papers, putting their resources into projects that are undeniably more stimulating than academic prose in March.

This list includes but is not limited to realigning chakras, taking a trip to the loo, engaging in a conversation about carbon tax with succulents, watching Netflix, contemplating how an institution that fosters education is still financially inaccessible to those under the poverty line, baking gluten-free avocados or counting all the paper planes lodged into the ceiling of the Airplane Room.

Frankly, students today are far too advanced and cultured to be writing term papers in March.

To spice up the life of the student body, why not add more to our miniscule plates? Balancing jobs, classes, extracurricular commitments, healthy sleep habits, healthy eating habits, a social life and family time is so easy, after all.

University students long for more responsibilities and challenges. Instead of writing term papers in March, how about students gather in the Bowl to have tag-team midterms, followed by chemistry exams on ice, instead?

Take me, for example. I have been assigned three term papers this March that I have known about for three months. Somehow, even after studying at this institution for two whole years, I have not made any progress towards a PhD in time management.

No, I spent three weeks on my first term paper and five days on the second one. Now, with one term paper and four assignments left to do, I’ve taken on the extra responsibility of contributing to this student newspaper.

Writing term papers in March doesn’t stimulate my mind until I compare my grades, which were 10 percent higher last semester. And afterwards, I’ll purchase an Americano from the Starbucks in Murray Library, reassuring myself that grading is objective and that I am a failure.

Lauren Klassen

Graphic: Lesia Karalash / Graphics Editor