MONICA GORDON

If marriage plays a role that can be replaced by other things, it seems that we might not need it anymore.

When the institution of marriage was originally created, it performed a necessary function in society. Since then, our values have changed to a point where many of those needs have vanished — children no longer need the legitimacy of wedlock to inherit family property, women can work outside the home and wages are such that women are no longer economically dependent on men.

If there is any function left for marriage, it would be creating a healthy environment to raise children. However, marriage isn’t even required to do that. To use anecdotal evidence, my parents separated when I was 12 and while it was initially upsetting, I knew it was for the best — they couldn’t stand each other.

Despite living apart, they were still able to maintain the most important thing for raising well-adjusted children: stability. My parents were both determined to create a stable environment for me and my siblings and while my childhood was not ideal, I always knew that come Friday at 5 p.m., I would be switching houses for the week.

Not every divorce works out that well for the children, but it seems possible that parents who are truly committed to their child’s well-being can create a healthy environment even without being together. If you or your potential spouse couldn’t create a stable environment after a divorce, then maybe you shouldn’t be having kids in the first place.

Childrearing aside, the main reason people get married nowadays is for love. A wedding is simply a public declaration of love. However, despite marriage being seen as the be-all-end-all in this area, there may be stronger avenues for expressing that love.

A couple years ago there was a show on TV called Whitney. The main character was in a long-term relationship but refused to get married so that her and her partner always knew they were together solely because they were actively choosing to be.

Deciding to be with someone every day for the rest of your life can be just as powerful as marriage — if not more so than exchanging vows. You don’t need marriage to have a strong bond with another person.

Beyond marriage no longer having an actual purpose, is legally binding yourself to someone for the rest of your life even realistic? People can change immensely in five years — let alone over the course of their whole lives. What if you or your spouse simply grow into someone who is incompatible with the other? The divorce rate in Canada fluctuates between 30 and 40 per cent and infidelity does not cause all of these instances.

Given the potential for two people to grow apart, marriage puts an extra strain on a couple when it’s clear that the relationship is ending. When you swear an oath to love someone forever in front of a crowd of people, it puts a lot of pressure on you to try to make the relationship work. Which isn’t always a bad thing — but there are some relationships that cannot be saved and trying to do so anyway is stressful.

Wouldn’t it be much less chaotic to date someone for a very long time and if you realize you’re no longer suited for each other, you can just go your separate ways? Divorce brings in lawyers, division of assets and some very bitter feelings.

Also, it seems cruel that divorce is seen as a failure when some people sacrifice so much just to avoid it. What’s wrong with dating someone for several years and making an unofficial commitment? If this arrangement becomes no longer agreeable, then you can choose to split with minimal legal hassle.

It’s possible that we might all be better off if the main goal wasn’t “forever and always,” but perhaps “for as long as we’re both happy together.” This isn’t to say I’m in any way against a lifelong committed relationship, but it only seems reasonable if you actually do want to be with that person every day for the rest of your life.

The very existence of no-fault divorce has made wedding vows essentially meaningless.  Although they’re certainly well-intentioned, given that if you change your mind you can get divorced with as little hassle as you choose takes quite a lot of credibility out of vows.

Of course, there are certainly more variables present than what I’ve described. That being said, it seems that marriage in its current form is overdue for a critical examination, especially if it’s doing us all more harm than good.