If any of you fine readers out there are like me, then you are probably a bit tired of the traditional style of Christmas music and movies. Sure, they have their place, but for some reason many people seem to hold them to a different standard than regular music and movies.
This is probably related to holiday cheer and all that trash. I say trash, but I do love the holidays and am here to spread cheer though some alternative movies and music for this holiday season.
“Get Behind Me, Santa”
by Sufjan Stevens
This entry isn’t as dark as the other songs, but it’s classic Sufjan Stevens: well-textured instrumentation and fun lyrics. The song is a good time, but breaks the traditions that holiday music composition often feels restrained to. Songs like this show that there can still be fun, uplifting holiday music without having to be the same song you’ve heard your entire life.
“A Christmas Duel”
by The Hives & Cyndi Lauper
Now this is what I call refreshing. Nothing says Christmas like Cyndi Lauper saying she went down on my mother. If you can’t appreciate that, then go take a swim in your money vault, Scrooge McDuck. This song is great because it begins with the Hives’ frontman Pele Almqvist, and Cyndi Lauper in a battle to see who ruined the other’s Christmas better. The best part is that though it conforms to a somewhat traditional idea, it still maintains its originality.
“Don’t Shoot Me Santa”
by The Killers
If this doesn’t scream Christmas then I don’t know what does. The song begins with Brandon Flowers telling Santa he has been bad because he has been killing people for fun. Santa responds by threatening to kill Brandon for these deeds. The song itself is fun, but is complemented well by the music video wherein the rest of the band saves Brandon from the evil clutches of a drunk and homeless-looking Santa.
“Fuck This Christmas”
by Tyler, the Creator featuring Earl Sweatshirt and Hodgy Beats
Yes, you’re reading that right. Tyler, the Creator and Odd Future — the raunchy L.A. rap collective — have a Christmas song. It’s easy to tell from the title that this song is intended to be a joke as it was released for free on the Odd Future blog. The song is filled with the over-the-top horror style lyrics one expects from Earl Sweatshirt and Tyler, the Creator — except they are given a holiday twist, making them feel just silly enough to make this the perfect theme for opening presents.
by Austrian Death Machine
I can’t completely ignore the classics. What is Christmas without “Jingle Bells”? With the Austrian Death Machine twist on this song you will surely be head-banging all the way through to New Years. For those unfamiliar with Austrian Death Machine, they are self-proclaimed as the most brutal metal band ever and a side project of As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis featuring an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
A noir comedy set during Christmas, this is the movie that started Robert Downey Jr. on his comeback after his drug-fuelled downward spiral. This dark comedy is completely underrated and hilarious. It is also one of the rare films starring Val Kilmer that isn’t awful.
Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Now this is a Christmas movie! Imagine you are doing an archaeological job in Finland and you find the real Santa Claus.
That’s the story behind Rare Exports. Some Finnish reindeer herders unearth the real Santa Claus, a supernatural being who horrendously punishes naughty children, some children in the local village start going missing, Santa’s elves show up and all hell breaks loose. This is not your conventional Santa Claus story. Show this to your kids. This way they won’t discover you putting presents under the tree due to complete and utter fear.
It’s Die Hard, it’s Bruce Willis and it’s set on Christmas Eve. If there is ever a time to watch Die Hard, Christmas is that time.