MATTHEW STEFANSON
Arts Writer

The tension between the two hosts of Louis’ Monday night Talk Show has come to a head.

Jason “The Jackhammer” Hattie — long the antagonist in the host/co-host relationship — will be facing down his long time friend, Paul “Meatgrinder” McMurtry on March 17. Frequent attendees of Talk Show will be familiar with the disrespect that each of these competitors shows to the other, and the pummelling should prove to be cathartic for the fighters and the audience.

The showdown will take place at the end of a special St. Patrick’s Day episode of Talk Show which — according to Hattie will be packed with all of the favourite crowd contests from past shows. In addition to the lightning round and other beer related competitions there will be a meat draw (you win meat) and a 50/50 raffle.

McMurtry has long been a punching bag on the show, absorbing abuse and having his personal affairs exposed to the drunken crowd, and that history of abuse may influence the show.

“I think it’s going to be Paul getting back at me for everything we’ve ever done wrong to him, and he deserves to fight back and have his glory, but I’m not gonna give it to him, because that’s more fun,” said Hattie.

During our interview, “Meatgrinder” McMurtry sat across from me in one of campus’ dingiest cafeterias. True to his name, he was rabidly consuming a cheeseburger, steadfastly cramming more and more of the pulverized meat product into his grimly set mouth.

“I’ve known him since elementary, and Jason and I have never fought before,” said Paul. “Only on the courts. We’ve had many a battle, one on one, street style.”

McMurtry is a wisp of a man coming in, he says, “somewhere around 50 pounds under Jason,” whom he credits as “too out of shape to be a threat.”

The two combatants, lacking the experience or rigorous training regimen that boxers usually employ, have been preparing in their own unique ways.

“I’ve been playing a lot of Super Punch Out and just hammering pushups,” said Hattie. “I did like 47 pushups the other day, which is a feat.

“Still, it is kind of like, ”˜Oh my god I look fat. I’m going to have to get in shape by tomorrow,’” said Hattie of his unfair weight advantage. “I wouldn’t be surprised to see either of us with some jiffy marker abs up there.”

McMurtry is employing an even more unorthodox training program.

“Drinkin’, smokin’ and pussy,” he said, staring squarely into my eyes and repeating, “Drinking, smoking, pussy.”

Despite their long history together, there is little love lost between the two competitors. McMurtry, whose violent trash talk lasted hours after the actual interview, commented on how he would “put [Hattie] through the grinder, package him up, sell him to Fuddruckers and then take his family out for half pounds the next day.”

Hattie, not one to back down from the man who has played McMahon to his Carson for so long replied, “Has he been talking smack about me? Let me tell you, the only meat he’ll be grinding when I’m through with him is his bloody limbs, because I’m actually going to hit him with my car.

“I think he’ll be calling the ambulance in advance.”

The fight will commence on March 17 at Louis’ Pub. Show time is 10 p.m.