KAROL KUDYBA
Opinions Writer

Of course I know wrestling is fake. What are you, an idiot?

Pro wrestlers jump 10 feet high in the air and land on each other. To not plan this kind of stunt out in advance would be a terrible idea. It’s called a script. Lots of TV shows have them, including most reality TV. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun to watch.

Like most dudes, I used to love watching wrestling in elementary school. My friend Daniel even had one of those black box descramblers so we could watch the pay per views for free. This might have been the only reason I was friends with him. Eventually though, I joined in with the rest of the crowd, denouncing wrestling as “fake and fucking stupid,” and put away my Ultimate Warrior wrestling doll before moving on to the next fad. Pogs, I think.

It wasn’t until last summer that my interest in wrestling was renewed. While walking down a middle-of-nowhere street in Vancouver, I saw a poster for an indie wrestling match at the local community centre. It was put on by Extreme Canadian Championship Wrestling and advertised a match between someone called El Phantasmo and Artemis Spencer. How could you say no to that?

The hall was the size of a basketball court, with three rows of metal chairs around the ring filled with a crowd ranging from little kids who made their own wrestling masks out of paper maché and duct tape to an elderly couple who I’m fairly sure were the champion’s grandparents.

Two minutes in, a 250 pound wrestler did a double front flip off the top ropes. A bad guy won his match because his midget sidekick distracted the ref and near the end of the show I literally had to run from my seat because El Phantasmo was suplexed onto it.

And just like that, I was hooked again. For the first time in a decade, I started watching WWE Raw. While I don’t make a point to watch it every week, or even keep up with the storylines, it often provides background ambience while I’m cooking dinner.

It’s more than just the actual wrestling that makes it so enjoyable to watch. The unintentional comedy when these hulking actors get on the mic is amazing. While it may not be the same as it was 10 years ago (YouTube “Macho Man on coke” to see what I mean), watching CM Punk get loudly booed for preaching a straightedge lifestyle or John Cena claim that if he loses he’ll never wrestle again can’t help but make you laugh.

Just like any other TV show, wrestling requires you to suspend your disbelief for a little while. A pro wrestler is also vampire? The match ended when he was buried alive? Sure, why not. It’s not so hard when you realize that we do it all the time, for pretty much everything we watch. Do you really think that Dr. House could get away with treating patients without their consent? He would have been fired and jailed years ago. Do you think that the cops in Hawaii 5-0 could really get “the governor’s special permission” to harm suspects and throw a witness into a live shark tank? Of course not; in real life we call that “brutality,” and it leads to people saying “don’t taze me bro.”

And while I’m at it, sorry to break it to you, but DNA and fingerprints are among the most useless type of evidence in the police investigation and trial process. It’s true, it’s true.

I’m not saying that you can’t enjoy these shows — quite the opposite. Fiction is fun, and watching wrestling is just like anything else that’s on TV. We get around the practical inconsistencies so we can enjoy the show, as it’s almost impossible to make a TV show or movie that’s completely true to life. (Except the new Natalie Portman movie No Strings Attached. That shit was completely real. I should know, I saw it in theatres. Made me cry into my Fresca.)

There’s nothing wrong with watching wrestling, and no one should feel ashamed for enjoying it. It’s just like watching any other combat sport, except that you know the fight is ultimately going to end with an exciting finish because it’s already been planned.

After all, wouldn’t MMA be a lot more fun to watch if each fight was guaranteed to end with a knockout or a great submission? If wrestling wasn’t fake, it’d be terrible.

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image: Flickr