ANDREW ROEBUCK
Arts Writer

Grooveshark is hands down the best online media player out there. It lets you painlessly play virtually every song known to man. You can also build your own playlists, stream live radio feeds and upload your own shitty indie band at the click of a button.

This is all done without having to download tons of porn and virus infected files urging you to make $379 a day just like the “local middle-aged mother in your area.” Simply go to Grooveshark.com and you will be greeted with a search bar that couldn’t be more inviting if it said “Don’t Panic” in large friendly letters. Oh, and did I mention it’s completely free?

That’s right, completely and absolutely free. You can start playing music immediately without having to wade through 300 fucking pop-up ads. There is no Megavideo-esque limit to how much you can listen to in a single day and songs are never interrupted by car commercials. The only advertising is one small unobtrusive banner on the side. It really is like getting something for nothing.

And better yet, Grooveshark functions just like iTunes, only faster. Its complex controls will take the average user somewhere between 40 and 42 seconds to master. Play means play, pause means pause and add to my library means? All together now! Add to my library. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get more intense, it just means that making an awesome play list or listening to a friend’s music is as simple as searching on Google. Frankly, if you managed to get to this point in the article odds are you are way overqualified to use Grooveshark.

Now, while being able to easily build an all Nickelback play list is pretty swell in itself, it would be ridiculous to have to restock your music library every time you wanted some tasty jams (I feel the need to clarify here that Nickelback does not count as a tasty jam, it was a joke). This is where the true awesomeocity of Grooveshark comes in to play. You can make your own account in less than 15 seconds, hell it’s so free you don’t even need a valid email. This allows you to store your music on their servers and access it from any computer. You can now rock out to your full library anytime from any internet connection.

There are really only two negatives to Grooveshark. The first being the obvious one: you need an Internet connection. However if you are listening to music on your computer you are probably already somewhere where Internet is readily available. And while I realize a lack of Internet is a very real concern for some people (although I do hear they have some down California way), most of us this side of Bangladesh are set.

The second thing that is keeping Grooveshark from running for the presidency in 2012 is the fact that you can’t sync music to an MP3 player. That sucks. However, most of the time, you only want to put a select few songs on anyway and for those you can just use torrents. So for the standard user it’s still pretty damn righteous.

Despite its few drawbacks, if Grooveshark was a person it would clearly win Harrison Ford look-a-like contests, drive a DeLorean, be a five time Super Bowl MVP and hang a Noble peace prize from its 11-inch penis. So whether you consider yourself to be a seasoned music pirate or just a chump who pays for music on iTunes (for the record, you people disgust me) it’s time to try out Grooveshark and revolutionize your listening experience.

It gives you access to every song ever and allows you to listen anywhere Internet is found (everywhere). Now that word is out, Jobs and Gates will soon be fighting over who gets to ruin this awesome site, but until then, it’s by far the best music site out there and if you don’t think so you can go suck a lemon.