Every year around Halloween you’ll likely come across countless articles about the best costumes for that year. Well, seems like you’ve found another. However, unlike those other articles, I’m not interested in giving you good ideas for your Halloween costume. If you were to take my ideas in this article to heart, you’re likely insane or have far too much time on your hands (or both).

If this were a typical costume article, I’d suggest you go as a superhero, perhaps Iron Man or Black Widow. A Kick-Ass or Hit Girl costume would also be awesome.

If I were horribly lame, I’d say go as the Mad Hatter or the Queen of Hearts from the dreadful Alice in Wonderland. Or maybe keep it simple and go as Edward, Bella or Jacob and get your other Twihard buddies to fill up the other roles. But this isn’t that article.

Now, you’ll see a lot of movie costumes this year other than the ones mentioned above. Those indie kids you know from your English class will likely group together and go as the League of Evil Exes from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. And what will those guys you always see heading to the PAC go as? The Expendables, of course. You’ll see Harry Potter costumes; remember, there’s another movie coming out this fall and people are always looking for an excuse to dress up in Hogwarts garb. Some really ambitious girl may try out a Lisbeth Salander costume from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but the expenses incurred from all the tattoos and piercings and hair dye and leather clothing may be an impediment. Finally, you’ll get your lazy smartasses who go to the Halloween parties wearing no noticeable costumes and tell you that they’re Mark Zuckberg or Eduardo Saverin or the Dream Team from Inception.

No, these costumes are fine but they’re not nearly ridiculous enough for me.

The most ridiculous movie costumes

The Demon from Paranormal Activity 2:
The good thing about this costume is that you don’t actually have to go to any parties. Just Face-stalk some friends, find their Halloween photos, point to some ominous shadow in the corner of the picture and say it was you. They may laugh in your face but they can’t say you’re not trying.

Joaquin Phoenix from I’m Still Here:
Step one: grow your beard out. Step two: don a black suit and matching black sunglasses. Step three: profess to have quit your degree to pursue a rap career. Step four: rap in front of a bewildered crowd at a Halloween party. Step five: respond to all questions with incoherent answers and gum chewing. Step six: get your brother-in-law to film it all. After Halloween, shave the beard and claim it was an artistic experiment.

Dren from Splice:
Shave your head, rig up a long fleshy tail with some hooves and traipse around in a little girl’s dress. It’s a costume that requires dedication, but it’s bound to disturb the partygoers, especially if they’ve seen the film.

Lotso from Toy Story 3:
The presence of a fully-grown person wearing a giant pink teddy bear costume and sporting a Dixie drawl with a cane will make any Halloween party 100 times better, guaranteed.

Flynn, Clu, Sam or Quorra from TRON: LEGACY:
Sure, TRON: Legacy has yet to come out but don’t miss up the opportunity to sport a glow-in-the-dark body suit and modify your motorcycle into a lightcycle. Even if you fail, you could always claim to be going as Tron Guy and people will appreciate it.

The Human Centipede from The Human Centipede:
You and two friends need a clever group costume for a Halloween party. Why not the Human Centipede? You’ll be making a statement (about something) and guaranteeing that the party is one people never forget. The only down side? Two of you three will not enjoy the party. Or life, ever again.