BLAIR WOYNARSKI
Ghost Hunter

Greetings, true believers! Halloween is right around the corner, and everyone is talking about ghosts and goblins (a very underrated NES title). But rather than spend the haunted season curled up on a couch watching Paranormal Activity (unless doing so somehow guarantees sex), you should seize the opportunity to grab some paranormal activity for yourself.

Pick a date
If you’re ready to embark on your first excursion as a ghost hunter, there are a number of things you must do to prepare yourself. Your first consideration is setting. Time is important. As you might assume, ghosts tend to come out more readily at night and that is when you should start.

Ghosts have not been shown to prefer any particular season but the one thing I must stress is not to go out on Halloween night. Every wannabe spectre-stomper and bozo in a Freddy Kruger costume (or sexy Freddy Kruger costume, as the gender demands) will be traipsing around every remotely spooky place all night long and getting an accurate reading of paranormal activity will be like listening for a canary song at a Slayer concert.

I recommend Nov. 1, because spirits will be agitated from the night before but you won’t have to elbow your way through a crowd. But really, any calm night should work.

Location

Next, it’s time to pick your location. Saskatoon doesn’t top the lists of Canada’s Most Haunted Places, so you may have to do some digging. Cemeteries are a good start but don’t think that’s your only option because ghosts aren’t always going to be content to sit at home on a Saturday night.

The river bank is a fine choice, with the potential for victims of the water’s icy grasp dating back thousands of years (though drowning victims don’t make the most talkative ghosts). Keep an ear out for local rumours, and scout for possible locations ”“ somewhere old and off the beaten track. There are abandoned farms outside of the city that could be host to some dark secrets.

Once you’ve got a location in mind, don’t stumble in blindly. Be sure you know exactly where you’re going and what you’re going to do when you get there. Scout the location in the daytime, pay attention to anything strange, or anything not strange that might appear strange after dusk. But here I have to stress that you’re not invincible just because it’s light outside. Some ghosts brave the mid-day sun, so keep your guard up at all times.

Let’s say you’ve scouted your location and you have a plan, then assemble your team of spirit-stalkers. A group of two to three is optimal. Never go in alone but too many feet on the ground will become disruptive. Also, keep a person stationed outside with some way of communicating with the rest. Never allow yourselves to be out of communication with the outside world.

Equipment

As for equipment, you can range from a simple video camera to as high-tech as you want. Here’s a breakdown of your basic equipment list:

Camera. This is your most basic equipment, as a camera can pick up images that the human eye cannot. Bear in mind, these images will not always be an old man in a suit staring grimly from a dark corner. Some of the most common visual phenomena are glowing orbs of light; they vary in size and brightness. Also look for streaks of light or patches of fog that cannot be explained by the weather (it’s essential you do this on a clear night).

Be careful taking pictures to eliminate variables such as blurring or reflected light which can produce false images. The flash can illuminate certain phenomena, but only use it at a close distance. No flash with a long exposure can pick up different sights, but make sure the camera is completely still.

I’d also recommend two cameras: digital and film. The digital will provide instant results and tell you what you’re looking at. Film has unique properties which can provide better results (and pictures are also easier to authenticate when you have the negatives).

Video camera. The same reasons as above, but you can record any erratic movements that would not be discernible in a still picture. Again, two cameras are better than one.

Voice-recording equipment. Ghost voices, or EVPs (electronic voice phenomena) in phantom-chaser lingo, are often barely audible to people, so the more sensitive your equipment is, the better. Use an external mic as far away from the rest of the recorder as possible. For best results, do two trials: one, leaving the recorder in a location by itself, and another recording while attempting to communicate with the spirit yourself.

Thermometer. Expect temperature drops around supernatural activity. A simple device will do, but your experienced wraith-watchers will come toting a laser-guided remote infrared thermal detector.
Electromagnetic field (EMF) detector. This is a great tool to have by your side, since spectral activity often causes EMF fluctuations. More sensitive devices will read at lower frequencies and make it easier to pick out unusual readings from regular electrical devices, but those can be pricey, so it’s up to you.

Making Contact

If you do make contact with a spirit, do not taunt or provoke it in any way. Be open and courteous, and keep your questions simple, and definitely don’t offer any personal information to it. The encounter won’t last long, so make the most of it.

The chances of encountering a malevolent spirit are small, but if you do, you will have about five seconds to escape horrific death. Have a ready escape plan if you ever feel uneasy. Keep watch for signs of hostility, like loud thudding noises, sudden wind gusts, or mysterious glass shattering.

Also, in exploring any room, keep someone stationed at the doorway to prevent anyone getting trapped. If you are in a bind, have some rock salt on hand, as it’s a natural ghost repellent.

If you begin to experience any unsettling dreams after an encounter, then it’s best to return to the site with a peace offering (usually a pack of cigarettes or some non-magnetic coins will do the trick).

One final tip: don’t go out in a bad mood because spirits will pick up on the negative energy.

Those are the basics for how you can be a fully accredited amateur ghost-hunter. This isn’t comprehensive, by any means, and you can surely pick up some tips from experience, or from any other eidolon-encounterers with whom you happen to network in your travels.

Have fun, but remember, you aren’t going out to goof off. This business is serious. Deadly serious. Happy hunting.

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image: Pete Yee