If ever you find yourself in a situation where you are being forced to sing karaoke, be prepared. Don’t go in all willy-nilly with some crackpot notion to sing “whatever you goddamn feel like” because, depending on how many drinks you have had, you could end up singing something by Limp Bizkit. And that is something no one wants.
So how do you strike a balance between singing a song that people are going to love without it being something overdone? It comes down to a few simple rules.
This rule mostly has to do with originality. I know that “Don’t Stop Believing” is an excellent song, but singing it in karaoke will almost instantly mark you an amateur. The only situation under which singing this song is acceptable is if it’s during a non-karaoke event in close quarters (a subway, elevator or bus) and you are surrounded by people willing to join in. This song is for sharing with other people; doing it in karaoke makes you a selfish bastard.
We all went through those awkward music phases, but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to know about it. Quite frankly, singing anything of the screamo persuasion is going to alienate your audience and clear the dance floor.
People die in karaoke. The trick to avoiding death via karaoke is to (A) not steal people’s songs and (B) not care how loud or awful you sound. And you do sound awful. Trying too hard makes it worse.
Please treat it as such.
The trick to a good karaoke experience is to sing a song you actually know. If you can sing it without the prompter, you’re good to go. If you’re stumbling over the words and filling the gaps with mumbling or scat (the jazz kind), get off the stage.
It helps if, when you are feeling uninspired, you have a single artist or group that you choose to sing. Whether it is Bowie, Tom Petty, Huey Lewis, Billy Joel or Eifel 65, having a go-to can save you when you’re under pressure.
Sing the entire Declaration of Independence to the tune of “Baby Got Back.” This is best used if you wish to filibuster someone who is set to sing after you.
I can be found at the Colonial on Mondays after midnight.
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