Look up the word “pretentious” on Google and the first six results are dictionary or encyclopedia entries.

The Wiktionary defines the word well: “ostentatious; intended to impress others,” or “marked by an unwarranted claim to importance or distinction.” Using quadri-syllabic words to define a tri-syllabic one? That seems a little self important.

Most often pretentious is used to describe pseudo-intellectuals and artsy hipsters. Or to make intellectuals seem like pseudo-intellectuals.

Exhibit A: my little brother ends up hating bands he used to love when they get serious airplay. That, and he loves Radiohead. He has records on his wall but favours his iPod Touch. Dangerously hip.

American Apparel peddles knock-off junk that the trendsetting poor and faux-poor rich nonchalant hipsters found at garage sales and Salvation Army. Except the AA versions come in eight shades of technicolour acid wash polyester shorts for $28, while the originals were 50 cents, in one blessed shade of putrid pink.

Thus the trendsetting hipsters are pretentious jerks for wearing clothes precisely because they know that no one in their right minds would like them.

Then the rest of the hipsters wear clothes meant to look cheap and get really excited to find something that looks like it came from American Apparel at a garage sale, totally ignoring the full circle. American Apparel pretends to be crazy and individualistic, while really being recycled and generally unflattering.

Then there are the people who disparage both classes and abhor the store while maybe going there just to flirt with clerks and buy some tights. It really is the only place to get good, reliable tights. Pretentious hyprocritical jerks.

Not to forget those who claim to have never even heard of American Apparel. Impossible. Nice try.

American Apparel is not the only nexus of taste and chicanery.

Often clever individuals will disparage the less intellectually blessed via the centre of narcissistic self-expression: Facebook and its compressed form, Twitter.

Inevitably, song quote statuses are mocked by statuses proclaiming “is posting meaningful lyrics to show off his/her excellent taste and because [singer] said it better.” Fair statement, but just as sophomoric as the quote. Besides, Paul did a better version of that joke last week.

Information about oneself is another goldmine. Magniloquent quotes, detailed favourite lists and funny blurbs all show off just how compelling one’s life is.

Alternatively, one fills the information with jokes about why this stuff is stupid. So now you’re too good to tell the world about yourself? Your favourites are for personal discovery only? How thought-provoking.

One can’t, of course, simply skip Facebook. So ingrained in social and personal life, the decision to not network online is perhaps the act of ultimate pretention, claiming “I know better! I only interact in real life because it is more pure.” I suppose you only correspond via Canada Post, because it’s a physical medium.

All of this is not to say that you can’t have favourites and wear what you like. Simply that the film school amateur director is no more pretentious than the business major cheerleader.