VARSITY VIEW — Obviously frustrated by a lack of clean cutlery with which to prepare breakfast, Mary Mitchell’s weird roommate from Kelvington finally decided to wash several of the dishes that Mitchell had been neglecting since mid-December, one source confirms.

It was the morning of Feb. 5 when Mitchell woke to the sound of clattering pots and pans.

“At first, I thought [my weird roommate from Kelvington] had someone sleep over — I’ve never once seen them turn on the kitchen tap,” Mitchell said.

Mitchell decided to stay in her room until she felt the coast was clear, unsure if she wanted to face the already audible level of anger that she sensed. She says she was just thankful that someone was dealing with the mess.

“They were being really loud and muttering, but I still couldn’t quite make out who it was. I thought I shouldn’t get in the way,” Mitchell said.

Though Mitchell’s weird roommate from Kelvington could not be reached for comment, a friend of theirs spoke to the Sheaf in defence of their character:

“[Mitchell’s weird roommate from Kelvington] has a lot of other good qualities, okay?” the friend said.