Are you finding things are getting old in the bedroom? Are you not as excited as you once were? I propose that it’s time we take our drab sex lives and make Canada sexy again!
Just a disclaimer — everything that I am about to say is based off of my experience being a pansexual woman in a fairly open relationship with the same man for over six years, and also my experience providing peer-to-peer education on sexual health.
Although I am not personally in a wholly monogamous relationship, that is primarily what I will be talking about as that seems what most can relate to. I am in no way a professional, but I suppose I am a “sexpert” of sorts, so I am here to offer my humble opinion and advice to you!
If sex is starting to feel more like a chore for you than anything else, and you’re looking to shake things up in the bedroom, the first thing that I would suggest is to analyze what you are doing already.
Are you being spontaneous and sensual with your partner and bringing some variety into the mix, or are you just both agreeing to have sex, doing it in the same position you always do, then falling asleep next to each other? Taking a good look at your sexual habits as a first step will help you determine what needs to be changed.
This is also a great time to practice being vulnerable and honest with your partner. Opening that communication line can be an intimate practice in and of itself. Make sure that both of you feel safe to talk about your wants, needs, fantasies and limits with each other.
If I’m starting to feel bored with my bedroom activities, I decide to take those activities out of the bedroom. Try being intimate somewhere else. There are so many different places that could work.
The shower is a popular one, or you could go with something a little bit more risky and have a romp in the car. You can easily build up a sort of tolerance to the location you are in, and it can make sex less fun. It tends to be more a of a thrill if it’s somewhere unusual.
For me personally, I find it exciting to have sex in a place where people might see you, even if there is a pretty good chance no one will. Of course that depends on what you like personally, but it’s definitely worth a shot if you haven’t tried it.
You can also try changing the position that you’re in. Try searching some sex positions with your partner on Google and pick a few to try. It’s alright if you’re clumsy at it. The point is to be trying something new and if it doesn’t work, that is okay! You can always laugh it off together.
The last suggestion I will make is that you should try using some sex toys, if you’re comfortable with it. They can be really fun — more fun than regular genitals, even. You can get all sorts of toys in many shapes, sizes and colours too. I personally own a glow-in-the-dark dildo — pretty cool, right?
Go to a sex shop and pick a few things out together, or order some toys online! If you have a vagina, I might consider going with something that vibrates. There are a lot of great toys on the market for people with penises, too.
Don’t neglect your butt, either — especially if you’re a man. There are so many nerve endings in your anus, you might as well put them to good use! Fair warning though, if it’s your first time it’s probably going to hurt, at least a little. Remember to take it slow, use lots of lubrication and don’t forget to clean your toys well, before and after use.
Don’t forget to use protection, always remember to get enthusiastic, affirmative consent from your partner and if it’s your first time trying something new, take your time and don’t rush. You are now ready to go forth and have a sexier year!
Photo: doe_john / Flickr