Fake News: “Time to get back to the grind” says guy who plays Pac-Man during entire class

AGRICULTURE BUILDING — With a new semester dawning, University of Saskatchewan students are getting ready to settle back into the old familiar routine of school life. For some, this means reading and research. For others, it means playing arcade game emulations on their laptops during class while thinking about sex and ignoring their lecturers.

Braden Taman, president of the U of S’ Checked-Out Students’ Association, sat down with the Sheaf to discuss his organization’s plans for the coming year.

“We’ve got some really great changes that we’ll be implementing this semester,” Taman said. “To give just one example, we ratified our constitution last autumn so that playing Tetris and browsing dating sites is now perfectly acceptable in courses all the way up to the 300-level, and — after what I don’t mind calling a pretty contentious vote — we decided to authorize leaving your headphones in while attending both tutorials and labs when taking first and second-year courses.”

Taman expressed hopes that the new semester will allow students to approach their short attention spans and lack of conviction with a renewed vigour and enthusiasm.

“Certainly the break was a good opportunity for people to maybe kind of take a load off and recharge their batteries, but I think with a new term starting, people are probably feeling ready to sit in classrooms and do Buzzfeed quizzes for three hours each day again,” Taman said.