Monogamy has long been the standard when it comes to relationships, but it’s possible that different kinds of arrangements may work better for some people rather than a conventional relationship.

Monogamy is painted as the ultimate goal for romantic relationships. However, as views on love and sex change, we’re forced to ask the question: is monogamy still something we should be aiming for, or are other forms of relationships — open, polyamorous, whatever you call them — a better fit for today’s generation of students?

I once made out with a guy who has a girlfriend.

Let me preface this by saying that he didn’t tell me about the girlfriend until after he’d kissed me. We were in a different city, at a karaoke bar. Both a little drunk, he told me I was cute, and then asked if he could kiss me.

But when he casually mentioned that he was in a relationship, I was horrified. Horrified might be too strong of a word, but I was convinced that I’d just become an unassuming accomplice in the biggest cheating scandal of the year.

What I’d missed, however, was that the word “open” preceded the word “relationship.” This guy and his partner were okay with each other being with other people. Everything was cool. Everything, that is, except me.

I grew up believing in the idea of a “one true love.” I’m an avid fan of Jane Austen romances. My parents have been married for over 20 years. I had a crush on the same person for most of high school.

Most importantly, I’m a very introverted person. I have a hard time sharing the most vulnerable parts of myself with one person, much less multiple people.

How could a polyamorous relationship ever work? Wouldn’t you get jealous? Wouldn’t you run out of energy to love people? Wouldn’t you get hurt multiple times?

The thing is, all of these problems can happen in monogamous relationships too. Just because you’re committed to a single person doesn’t mean you’re immune to difficulty.

I’ve met plenty of people who find happiness in open or polyamorous relationships, including close friends. They are able to fulfill their needs and wants in a safe and consensual relationship, just with multiple people instead of one. 

Perhaps relationships aren’t really about the number of people in them, but rather the affection and trust that exists between those people.

True love is often viewed as one of the absolutes in this crazy thing called life, but the truth is that it changes, just like everything else does. People change, and the ways in which we love them change too.

I’ve been on both sides of the equation, and I’ve figured out that — from what I know —  I prefer to be romantically involved with one person at a time. That’s not to say that I don’t love many people, but I choose to invest most significantly in one.

I’m not set in stone. Someday, I might find myself better off with more than one partner, although it’s unlikely. The best way for me to love people may change over time, and I’m starting to be okay with that.

So back to the original question: is monogamy still the best can hope for? Honestly, I don’t really think the answer is clear. For some it is, and for others, it isn’t.

What is clear, however, is that most of us are looking for the exact same thing — to love, and to be loved, in whatever form that may come in. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, and I think that’s an idea that we can all commit to.

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Image: Jeremy Britz / Graphics Editor