Q: Hey guys, my drug dealer moved … to jail. Is there a good way to find a replacement? I don’t want to just ask around, but I don’t know how else I’d find someone! — Spencer

Sugar: Oh honey, your mind is a terrible thing to waste! Didn’t your parents ever teach you that drugs are just plain bad? Always say no to drugs! Sounds like the universe is telling you to say no to drugs now that your dealer is rightfully where they belong.

Spice: Cut out the middle man. I learned how to cook crack while working in the kitchen of a prominent Saskatoon restaurant. Come by sometime and I’ll show you how it’s done.

Q: Where are the best places to get wild on campus? I’m talking public places, none of this residence room shit. I need to know what broom closets and library aisles to take my honeybun to play. — Ron J

Sugar: Ron J, real love-making is meant for the bedroom and nowhere else. Your shared emotional connection does not belong amongst dust bunnies and half eaten, week old snacks. Sounds like you need to take a class on how to be a gentleman. Woo your lover with flowers and sweet somethings instead of ruffling your shirt buttons.

Spice: Single-stall handicap bathrooms are an absolute delight when it comes to getting your rocks off. But if there isn’t one of those around, try the North Wing of the Murray Library — no one ever goes up there. Give those spots a try and you’ll be busting nuts with the best of them.

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