Q: Since I graduated from high school my two best friends literally ditched me and won’t talk to me. I didn’t even do anything! I want to reach out to them, but when I ask them to hang out they don’t answer and I think one of them blocked my number. It’s awful and I feel so alone! Help! — Yasmine

Sugar: Girl, friends like that are not friends at all. You’re in university now, drop those bitches! Life’s too short to waste time trying to turn a backstabber into a best friend. If all else fails, go for one of their boyfriends?

Spice: Wait, they blocked you on their phone? I don’t know how you’re “reaching out,” but if they blocked you then you’re probably being obsessive and crazy.

Q: I’m an average man but I feel like I can do great things, performing magic. Why does the U of S not offer magic lessons? — Jojo

Sugar: Jojo, I’ve done some quick researching to help you. The best option in Canada seems to be Sorcerers Safari Magic & Performance Camp in Toronto. It appears that most campers attending cap off at age 10, but if you really think that sorcerery is in your future, do not let this little detail deter you from following your magical dreams.

Spice: You think you’re capable of doing great things? Do a great thing for us, quit emailing. While you’re at it, try to conjure up a better hobby.

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