Feminists are fabulous, assuming they know they're feminists.

Am I a feminist? What is a feminist anyway? There seem to be a lot of opinions about them, and there is always that braless, hairy, man-hating stereotypical image which I don’t think I fit. Although shaving is a real pain and some days hating men would not be that hard, I don’t want to have to try and be a man so I can make it in the world, and I don’t want to be put into some prescribed role because I admit that I am a woman.

The major downfall of the feminist movement is that, in some cases, the battle became against men instead of for women. Respect and honor is not gained by disrespect and dishonour. Trampling underfoot those who once walked over you will not improve anything.

Another major issue creeps in when equality becomes associated with homogeneity, instead of unity amidst diversity. Men and women are obviously not the same. Neither are all men the same or all women the same.

So I’m troubled by phrases like, “that’s a real man” or “that’s a real woman,” as though you don’t make the cut unless you meet a certain criteria. But none of your actions or tendencies makes you any more of less of a woman or man. I am no more of a woman than any other woman.

But there’s this image in many cultures that men feel the need to uphold, which makes it hard feeling okay with just being yourself. It also makes it hard for men to have a woman “above” them in any way, leading to a pattern of power and control — abuse, in other words — just to keep male privilege intact. I am in no way saying this image is pursued by every man, but it’s clearly pervasive in many cultures of the world.

This image leads to half the world’s population being marginalized simply because they were born female. It’s all too easy to spot this marginalization. All you have to do is compare the literacy rates of men and women around the world, or the numbers of those living in poverty. Or consider the millions of women who are trafficked and sold for sex around the world, or the fact that a woman in North America will earn around 30 per cent less than a man with the same qualifications —  even less if they’re a racial minority. And in the U.S. alone, a women is battered by her husband, boyfriend or live-in partner every 15 seconds, and on average three of those women are killed every day by these intimate partners.

Then there are religious views that can stifle the equal rights of women. Take the Genesis description of a woman being a “helpmeet.” I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean, but it is probably a word that a bunch of men translating the Bible came up with to keep women in a position of servitude. And the Bible often uses the word “submission” to describe a virtuous woman.

I have personally sat in church where a man behind the pulpit taught that a woman should never be allowed to speak in church, although I did preach in that same church a couple weeks later. But the idea of women being, in some way, less than men remains prominent in many religions and cultures.

I used to feel there was an image of a woman that I wanted nothing to do with. I didn’t realize it but, growing up, I lived to prove that I was not a weak woman, but was as strong as a man. I played football, I didn’t hold babies, I didn’t cook — I still don’t really cook, but for different reasons — and I would definitely never admit that I needed a man. Somewhere along the way I picked up the message that to be a woman meant weakness, so the last thing I wanted to be was a woman.

Fortunately, a little further down the road I realized that I could be a woman and be strong. I could just be myself and it didn’t matter if I wanted to hold a baby or not — or if I could tackle a guy twice my size. This is a good thing, because I am a woman and I do need men. A very practical example would be changing my own oil. I know how to do it, but I can never get the plug off the oil pan, and I usually have to get a man to do it for me. A few years ago that would have bothered me a lot, but now I’m okay with it.

Surely the feminist movement has brought a lot of progress. I am going to be applying for medical school next year and about half of those who get in will be women — the way it should be. There is almost more stigma placed on being “just” a stay-at-home mom these days, which is not good. What is the point of replacing one archetype of what a woman should be for a different one? What women need is the freedom to be ourselves. Men need this too. There are men out there who will be better nurses and “moms” than I will ever be.

The key should be respect. We all deserve respect whether we ask for it or not. Take a woman’s body for example. I can choose to respect myself whether other people — especially men — choose to or not. In fact, I can even respect the men who disrespect me. Maybe instead of demanding respect I should just give it. Imagine if men respected all women, even the ones that didn’t ask for it; or if everyone respected each other.

So yes, I will say I am a feminist, even though I would not walk down the street saying I’m a slut, as people in the SlutWalk movement have done. Every human being is of great value, yet all over the world women are being oppressed, discriminated against, bought, sold and abused.

And that “helpmeet” word in the Bible, as it turns out, actually meant something more along the lines of a powerful equal, so hopefully one of these days we can work together as equals, each contributing our strengths and helping another where they are weak.

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Photo: Sizemore/flickr